This morning as I began my quiet time with the Lord, I had to do some warfare first thing. The enemy came and began reminding me of what someone called me while I was at an internship in California a few years ago. You see, I didn’t “pray” the same way these folks did, and they didn’t like that very much. Unless under extreme attack from the enemy, I usually sit quietly worshipping the Lord and I write in a notebook what I say to the Lord and what I believe He is saying to me. I actually don’t think there’s anything wrong with this. It’s who I am. Also, a question that had been asked was; “Has anyone ever done something to you where you simply forgave them without confronting them?” Immediately, a situation came into my mind and I spoke out loud saying, “Yes, I had a situation where I was led of the Holy Spirit to forgive without confronting.” Well, immediately the pastor in charge apparently didn’t agree and showed it by her facial expression. Another intern asked the pastor if she disagreed with what I had said. The pastor then, in a very passive-passive-aggressive way, said that she didn’t agree and that we should not be “religious doormats.” I explained myself further to explain that I had followed the leading of the Holy Spirit and then shared an example where I did confront when led to do so and when needed. At that time, this pastor verbally abused me more and then allowed the other ten interns to verbally abuse me while I sat there and took what they had to say. I remember just looking to the ceiling quietly, while praying in my head, “Forgive them, they know not what they’re doing.”
Sometimes when I sit down to worship and pray, the enemy will attack in this way. I have to run him off.
The next thing that happened this morning was that I turned to Proverbs 31 for my daily Proverb. Immediately, the enemy came attacking me about another time where this scripture was used to “beat me up” spiritually about 3 years ago. You see, at the time, I had been married to a man who was abusive to me, not physically, but mentally, emotionally, verbally, and financially. At the time we had been married for 26 years. (Shortly after this, he divorced me.) It was growing more and more difficult by the day to tolerate what he dished out without arguing. Over the years, I had learned to choose my battles well. In this particular situation, my then husband had caused a lot of trouble for me at the church we had only recently began attending during a conversation with the worship pastor. Later, I had a chat with the worship pastor and another pastor at the church to let them know of my situation because I did not appreciate the way my then husband set me up for a troubled time there. I mean, no one wants to get started off on the wrong foot in anything that they do … am I right? So, I met with them and we chatted a while. The head pastor suggested that I fast for my husband. Early on in the conversation, I had agreed … wanting to be agreeable. But, the longer we went on in the conversation, I knew that I could not and would not fast for him. It just wasn’t in me to do that for him. There was so much going on I just couldn’t do it. (I was hurting and needed support, not criticism!) As we were wrapping up the chat, he asked me again if I was going to fast for him. I said, “I’m sorry, I just cannot do it. I’m just being honest with you. I just cannot do it.” Immediately, the expression on his face changed towards me as if I were the devil, himself and he reached for his Bible. He then proceeded to read Proverbs 31, the portion about the virtuous woman, out loud to me. Immediately, I knew exactly what he was doing. Previous to this situation, I had sat through a teaching on this same scripture and had felt very confident and encouraged by the Lord that I had been doing my best to be what the Bible describes as a virtuous woman. As he read, I prayed for God to be with me. The pastor finished the Proverb and proceeded to ask me; “Are you this woman?” In confidence, I answered, “Yes.” He looked and me and said, “I think you better go home and read this Proverb over and over for the next 21 days and insert your name in here.” After that, I was cut out of the worship team and pretty much treated like a piece of trash at the church. Needless to say, it didn’t take very long for me to leave. I’m was not and still am not a worthless piece of trash for some pastor to verbally abuse and treat poorly. I know my worth in Christ!
Now, I don’t share these things to make you feel sorry for me. I say them because I want to share these terrible experiences so that we can learn from them. None … none … of these situations are acceptable behavior at all! I find them to be totally ridiculous! God does not want us to treat fellow followers of Christ this way … no way! The church exists so that we can help each other through difficult times. The church should be a safe place … a “hospital for the hurting.” Why these things happened, I have no idea. I just know that God allowed them to happen to me. And, I’m quite certain that I’m not the only person within the Body of Christ who has been treated in this way. I actually have many other examples that I could share that fall within this category, but these are the ones that came into my mind today.
These behaviors that I have shared with you are simply religious attitudes. Jesus would have called these people “white washed tombs.” These folks are clearly examples of the Pharisees of Jesus’ time. This is unacceptable. This is not an example of love at all. These are examples of “religious people” pushing people around … namely me in these examples. The only reasoning I have for why people do this is that they lack love and simple human kindness. I don’t believe for a minute that Jesus would have treated me this way had I been speaking to Him face to face in these situations.
I have to tell you that when these things happened I was somewhat hurt. It was difficult for me to believe that there was a purpose to all of this. But, I chose to overcome and believe that God had a purpose. Of course, it’s much easier for me to talk about this now than it was then. You see, God has been showing me what not to do when I’m in a position like these folks for more years than I’d like admit. It’s been a long road. Let me be very clear, God doesn’t like this behavior, but He will allow it when He knows that it can be used to build strength and bring wisdom to those involved. I surely hope that I have learned all that He wanted me to learn through these situations. Forgiving them is key … they, apparently, know not what they’re doing. I was able to overcome and move on with the Lord. But, I have been committed to be all that God wants me to be, even when the road becomes more than a bit challenging. Yes, sometimes … many times … I have said that I’m “done.” LOL … but, never really. I think sometimes it just helps to get the bad thoughts and feelings out to enable me to move on to what God has next for me.
Now, what if this had happened to a young or baby Christian? (Oh, I feel my blood pressure rising even as I type this.) At the same time this happened, and at a nearby “safe” church here in Arkansas where this took place, I was walking with a baby Christian. She, was treated very poorly by some of the people over the fact that the person in charge didn’t like that she had hot pink hair and a lot of tattoos. When she shared with me that this had happened, I prayed for her and talked to her about what was said. I explained to her that this was not God and it’s not how Jesus would treat her. I explained to her that these were imperfect people like myself and her, and that we should forgive them and move on. She was so damaged by the treatment of these people that she walked away from God and eventually walked away from our friendship. This broke my heart.
You see, these acts that are not love, hurt people … some more deeply than others. Young Christians, in particular, do not always understand that people, even though Christians, will sometimes hurt others. Although God’s light shines through us, we are not God. We are still fallible human beings.
Church … we need to get back to caring for people other than the ones we see at church every week. If we’re not kind and loving to those in our world … whether they know Jesus as their Savior or not … we’re doing it wrong. I’ll say it again! If we’re not kind and loving to those in our world … whether they know Jesus as their Savior or not … we’re doing it wrong.
If you’re reading this and you’re someone who has been hurt by the church, whether leadership or a church member, I encourage you to talk to God about it. Forgive the people and allow God to heal your heart. Hindering your walk over people is not worth it. Forgive them and find a good Bible believing church, get involved and remember what you have learned.
On the other hand, if you’re reading this and you feel some guilt because you could possibly be one of the people in this blog who did the hurting, I encourage you to repent and find your first love, Jesus, again. “Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 1 John 4:16
God is love. Jesus is our example. Let’s arise to the occasion and love others better … like God loves us.
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