A few years ago, the Lord led me to a woman who had just given her life to the Lord. She was in her fifties, but was literally a “baby Christian,” which is not uncommon at all. When I met her, she was practically in tears simply because the people at her church were not being very nice to her. They were offended by the way she looked, and quite frankly were not understanding about her background. She had come out of a very abusive relationship and was in the midst of a divorce. To protect her identity, I’ll refer to her as “Mimi.” I had a conversation with Mimi and kindly let her know that Jesus loved her and that the way she was being treated wasn’t right, nor was it the way Jesus would treat her. We ended up spending several hours together over the next several weeks.
I have to tell you, I have been through a lot in my life, but I definitely could not relate to all that Mimi had been through. But, to the best of my ability, I relied on the Lord to lead me, which He most certainly did. God knew all that she had been through and led and guided me as to how to communicate and interact with her. (After several months, God led our paths went in different directions and I haven’t heard from Mimi in nearly three years.)
Now, I say all of this because of a few situations in my life that remind me of Mimi’s situation.
Over the past two years, I have been healing from a very trying marriage of 27 years and a bitter divorce. I was married to a man who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), among other issues. Prior to my marriage of 27 years, my childhood was not he easiest, either. It wasn’t the worst you would ever hear of by any means. But trust me, it was far from the best. I say this with total respect of my parents and extended family. No family is perfect. All families have dysfunction. It’s just a matter to what degree the dysfunction is.
With that said, God has done a lot of healing in my life … a lot. But, there will always be something for me to work on in my life this side of Heaven … always something. It has been my habit for many, many years to ask God to “take out of me what He doesn’t want in me and to fill those voids with Himself.” God is very faithful. I assure you, I am not the person I once was. Jesus, by the Holy Spirit, has transformed me, and is continuing to transform me into the person that He created me to be.
Recently, the two year “anniversary” of the divorce happened, but because of circumstances that are completely out of my control, I am unable to completely be “departed,” if you will, from my ex-husband. The house that we own together is still my home until the house sells. It has been just shy of 23 months and the house has not sold. This has been a very challenging time for me. I want to move on from here physically and geographically, but God is not ready for me to do that yet. It has been time where He has used the circumstances to heal me of the very challenging times/events of the previous 3 decades. I assure you that this has been the most challenging time of my life … hands down! God has used this time to not only heal me, but what I like to call, “refine my friends list.” In nearly every aspect of my life, if not every aspect, He has allowed nearly everything but basic essentials to be stripped away from me. Now, I don’t say this in a way of complaining. I say it simply because “it is what it is.” A walk in the park would not accurately describe my life in general, let alone the past 2+ years. On one hand, looking at the big picture, I can see why God is doing what He’s doing/allowing. For His Kingdom purposes, because of the call on my life, He has allowed this “refining process.” Now … on the other hand, I can tell you I’m doing the best that I can just to get through this with a good attitude. (which doesn’t happen every day! LOL) This isn’t just about the recovery of a terribly harsh divorce. This is a “wrapping up of the past five decades of my life” … “the end of a season” … to enable me to move on to fully do God’s will for my life. He has given me many gifts to use for the advancing of His Kingdom which is a ministry to help those who are in the same or similar situations that I have experienced. To coin a phrase that I heard someone else say once; “God is the ultimate recycler.” This is so true. If we allow Him, He will use the situations/events of our lives to help others.
Now … I mentioned that He has allowed many things, including people to be taken from my life. This has been challenging because I don’t always have someone to talk to … vent … or as a sounding board so that I can work things out in my heart and mind. I write and journal, but because God created us for community, the need/want for interaction with other human beings is very real. I have found this process as difficult as my friend Mimi that I mentioned earlier. I have found that the majority …not all … of the folks that I have spoken to: 1. Don’t have time and don’t want to have time for me. 2. Even if they do take time, they don’t really want to listen. They want to “fix” me. Although I see that they care, they don’t have the answers, and I don’t expect them to. 3. They can only see things the way they want to see them and, in turn, end up judging me … which actually makes me feel worse than when I began my conversation with them.
I actually believe that this is something that God wants me to experience. I saw this happen with Mimi, but I didn’t actually experience it. I am experiencing it now.
It’s not our job to “heal” people. It’s our job to be “conduit” to allow the Holy Spirit to go into the lives of others and heal them. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again and again; It’s our job to love others and let God be God in these situations. No two people are alike. No two “same/similar” situations are alike. This is why we need God to take control and heal us by the Holy Spirit. Only God knows what a person needs. When “religion” puts certain situations in a “box,’ so to speak, it’s being done wrong. I say that respectfully! God has many different ways to heal us. What He does with one person, He may not do with the next person. Like Mimi, many of us have had traumatic situations from the day we were born. My first traumatic memory is from age 3. Now, we all have things in our lives that require healing. Respectfully … if anyone believes that they don’t, they are either lying or in denial … period. Some people have fewer things. Some people have a plethora of things. Sometimes God heals things in a hurry … almost instantly. Sometimes He heals things in layers. I believe I’ve experienced both of these ways. But mainly He heals me in layers … beginning at the outer shell, much like those Russian nesting dolls we’ve all seen. You look and see only one wooden, painted doll, but when you pick it up you realize there’s something more inside. You take the outer shell off, only to find another smaller doll inside … and so on and so on … until you get to the tiniest doll inside. Like the removing of the larger dolls to get to the tiniest doll inside, God, over time, will remove one shell or layer at a time … in His timing and in His way … contrary to the way most Christians handle the issues in the lives of others. Most people usually want instant results.
We must choose to be sensitive. We must choose patience. We must choose to allow the Holy Spirit to work. Again, we are not the healers. We are only the conduit for the Holy Spirit to work. And, we need to be there for people. This takes time and practice.
I have had several people that God has placed in my life even while going through the difficult times of the past 2+ years where I have had to choose sensitivity and patience, and allowed the Holy Spirit to work. Of course I’m not perfect and have made mistakes. That’s part of the growing process. We have to take steps forward for growth even if it means making mistakes here and there. That’s just part of life. When I see my mistakes, I admit it and give apologies. There is nothing wrong with being transparent, either … nothing. I assure you that people are much more responsive to transparency than they are to being superficial. When my son was growing up, I apologized to him when I made mistakes, not if, but when. I admitted to him when I was wrong. This fostered a relationship where he was not afraid to be honest with me. We need more of this within the church.
Folks, Jesus gave up Heaven to come to this Earth so that He understood, first hand, what we go through. He is there for us in all situations and wants us to be there for others. He is so very patient with us. His grace is sufficient for us in all situations. 2 Corinthians 12:19 I assure you this is not always the easiest thing to realize, fully understand, and/or utilize whether dealing with my own issues or walking with someone through their issues, especially when things are very challenging. But … in order for the church to function as God wants us to, we must purposefully tear down the walls of being superficial and risk being transparent. We must intentionally choose to learn patience. As a follower of Christ, I challenge you to these things in your own walk. It’s the only way to truly reach others for Christ. When we, as the church, pretend that all is well, we actually repel those who are seeking God. We are all broken people who make mistakes whether we admit it or not. We must remember that we are imperfect people who carry a perfect God inside us.
Choose to be transparent.
Choose to make yourself available for others.
Choose to have patience.
Choose to admit that you may not know something.
Choose to allow God to do things His way.
We are not “Holy Ghost Jr.” as Joyce Meyer says. Allow God to work through you as you are there for others.
No comments:
Post a Comment