I'm Not Where I Used To Be...Thank God!!

I’m inspired to write today because I believe that a shift has taken place in my life.  Two years ago, 2014, everything in my life was coming to a halt.  I could literally envision big gears slowing to a complete halt.  In July of that year, slowly, very slowly, things began to move again and seemingly in a new direction.

 

The Angie that you see today is far from the Angie of 20, 30 or 40 years ago.  I owe all that I am today to my Lord and Savoir, Jesus Christ.  Without him, I don’t believe I would be here today.

 

By the time I was 36 years old back in the spring of 2003; I was shut off from society.  I was depressed, working through tough issues that had been suppressed in my life for years and years.  I wasn’t in denial.  I just didn’t even realize that they existed simply because of the way I had been raised.  Hang with me for a moment…   I have a friend who is from Poland.  She was an Olympic swimmer.  Once I asked her about what it was like growing up in a communist country.  She said that she didn’t know the difference until she began to compete in other countries outside of Poland.  It was then that she could see how life was different than what she knew in her own country.  That’s how it was with me.  I had been brainwashed to believe that the way I was living was truly living.  Jesus was healing me and bringing me out of that miry pit I had been raised in.

 

Now with that said, life has been challenging.  But, one thing I know.  I don’t have to look too far from where I stand to see someone who has had a tougher time than I have.  That’s just the way it is.  I don’t think I’m a special case…nothing like that.

 

So…in 2003, I found myself, angry, depressed, lonely, confused and barely able to function and often bombarded with suicidal thoughts. Many of you have heard my story about how, at this time of my life, the only person outside of my family I really ever spoke with was the barista at my local coffee shop and how, years later, God has moved me into a ministry at my local coffee shop.  What I’m about to share with you is another way that God has taken something from this time of my life and is turning it into a ministry to help other women who have had a similarly challenging life.

 

One day during this time of my life, I began to think, “Is this all there is to my life?”  “Something about this isn’t fair…it isn’t right.”  “Why have all of my plans come to an end?” “Am I going to be ‘that person’ who was voted ‘Most Talented’ in my class to end up dead by my own hand?”  I was crying out to God…and He had a plan.

 

For several years I had been making pepper jelly.  I would give it away as gifts.  Most people liked it so much that they would encourage me to sell it.  Suddenly, the idea came to me that I should sell it at the local Farmers Market…so I did.  When I look back on this, all I can see is God’s Hand at work because, in the midst of the depression, anxiety and dysfunction, I could not have done this on my own.  What I realized later is that He used this to get me back into society.

 

At the Farmer’s Market, He placed me next to two of the most wonderful Christians I have known.  They were loving, kind and accepting of me.  They had five grown daughters of their own, but said that I could be their “adopted daughter.”  Tom and Mary were wonderful Christian examples to me.  Although Tom has gone on to be with our Lord, Mary and I still visit.  She is 86 years young and still is blooming for the Lord wherever He plants her.  She’s quite and inspiration!!

 

So, for several years, I sold pepper jelly at the farmers market.  It was a very successful business, but then that season in my life came to an end.  God began to move me into another purpose.  Music!!  Music was / is a passion.  He began to move me in that direction once again. The pepper jelly hobby went on the “back burner.”

 

I was such an insecure person.  It’s all I had known simply because of the way I was raised.  I feared being in front of people by myself.  In school I had no problems performing because I was always in a group.  But, when I had to perform by myself, I would very nearly loose it.  In high school, I had gone to try out for the All State band.  I got so nervous and upset that I literally had to run to the bathroom to vomit simply because I had walked into the school where the tryouts were taking place.  All these years later, this dysfunction was still in me and needed to be removed from my life.  I followed the leading of the Lord.  I tried out at my church to be on the worship team and was told that I could be on the team, but that I had to be in the choir to be chosen.  So, I joined the choir.  This was a stretch for me because choir is not my gig at all!  But, along with being in the choir, the Lord led me to get a set ready and play at my local coffee shop.  I did it, but, I would be a nervous wreck the entire day that I would be scheduled to play.  I did this for 18 months and on most nights to an empty coffee shop…all the time, the Lord was working this fear out of my life.  I would get discouraged sometimes because I was singing in an empty coffee shop, but then I would encourage myself because I knew that I had to be faithful in the small things in life.  I wouldn’t allow the discouragement to take over.  The last coffee shop gig I did was to a packed house of people who were obviously enjoying the gift of music the Lord has placed within me.  Then, as quickly as the coffee shop door had opened, it then closed.  God was moving me to the next step in the process.

 

I believe it was the next day after what I now know to be my last coffee shop gig, I was called and asked to lead worship at a local outreach.  That began an 18 month training session in leading worship for me.

 

Now, even though I wasn’t selling pepper jelly at the farmers market, I would still keep it on hand and give it away or even sell a few jars here and there to loyal customers.  One Sunday I was at the outreach getting ready to lead worship and I had taken a jar of pepper jelly to give to the pastor.  As I handed him the jar, the Lord spoke to me that I should use the jelly as a way to help people.  From that moment on, I knew that some day, God would put everything in place to do just that.  That took place October 4 of 2009, nearly seven years ago.

 

Today, I believe the time has come to move the pepper jelly from the back burner to a full fledged non-profit organization.

 

I was in Starbucks, as usual, talking with some of my homies.  I had recently made some jelly and gave away the leftover jars.  They were raving about it and expressing the need to mass produce it.  It was then that I shared what I believed I would eventually use it for…helping abused women.  Now, what I didn’t know is that there was someone nearby who overheard what I was saying, liked my idea…AND…her job is to set up non-profit organizations.  All I can say is that God is amazing!!  A few days later this person approached me and explained that she had overheard what I said and that she had some ideas for me.  Long story short, we met and she literally lay out in front of me what I need to do to get this project up and running.

 

Now, the goal is for the Angie’s Pepper Jelly to be a 503(c) non -profit organization that will not only produce jelly for sale and partner with other organizations to help abused women financially, but also to serve as a place for women to work, earn a wage and gain self esteem and a new skill set to help put them back on the road to success in their lives.

 

I have set the goal for a year from now to have this up and running.  I have put this in the Lord’s hands and will continue to do so.  I believe that He created this to help me out of a challenging dysfunctional time of my life and then will continue to use it to help many, many others out of similar situations.

 

I hope that you can see how God has moved in my life to give me the life of abundance that He speaks of in John 10:10  The enemy comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that you may have life and have it abundantly.  These are the words of Jesus.  It is His will that we live an abundant life…in all aspects…physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc.  He wants us to be healed so that we can help others.  God’s word says in 3 John 1:2,  “Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.”   You see, yes, I was a mess.  But I have allowed God to take me out of the pit, clean me up and work through me to help others.  As my soul prospers, He wants me to prosper…and that means helping others in the way that He leads me and guides me.

 

I pray that if you are going though a challenging time, that God will show you what you need to do or need to allow Him to do in you.  He is the Author and Finisher of our faith.  Put your trust in Him and allow Him to show you what He created you for.  This life is but a vapor in the whole scheme of things.  Don’t waste the time that’s been given to you.

 

Vapors vanish quickly.