What the ocean washes away ...

As many of you know, I’ve been blessed to be able to travel to Australia a couple of times now.  It’s something that I have known that I would do for many years.  I had to continually press toward that goal year after year after year, literally, before it came to pass.  And, although it was a joyful experience for it to come to pass, it did not come without sorrow.  Although I never could fathom just how things would come to pass while in the very  troubled marriage I was in, never did I imagine the dream coming to pass as a divorced woman.  I totally believed God for healing in all aspects of my life and marriage.  With that said; my husband divorced me, which, ironically, allowed for my travel to the wonderful country of Australia.

While I was there, I visited a beautiful beach called Norah Head.  I was amazed at the rocks that are on the beach there.  Where the Pacific tide comes and goes on this beach, over time, it has worn away parts of the rock that has left nearly perfectly straight lines. I noticed this the first time I was there, but then really took notice last winter when I was there.  I said to my friend, Joey, “These lines nearly look man made, but they’re not.”  They have been made by the continual flow of the tide over many, many years.  I know this may sound simplistic, but, Holy Spirit was speaking to me about His Creation.  I really tried to wrap my brain around what He was speaking to me, but, I knew that this was deeper than the actual crevices in the rocks on this beach.

As I was focusing on the rocks, the lines in the rocks, and opening my heart to receive what Holy Spirit was saying to me, I could see, in my head, friends and acquaintances from my “home Starbucks” thousands of miles away.  For years, there had been quite a number of people at that store who had become friends and quite frankly like family in some aspects.  Some of us were daily customers; some weekly; and some just occasional customers.  But, because we saw each other on a regular basis, we would reach out to one another, sharing life’s ups and downs.  For many years this group of people grew in number. But then, nearly as quickly as it grew … one by one … we each have gone our separate ways.

Just as the tide of the  Pacific continues to flow over the rocks on that beach, wearing away parts of the rock, creating lines, or crevices, so the Holy Spirit flows over and through our lives, individually and as units, taking away the parts that He doesn’t want in or around us …creating crevices or voids that only He can fill.  He flows over and through us, washing away parts and pieces, using departure, betrayal, deception, divorce, death, distraction, etc … just to name a few ways of creating these voids.

He put our “Starbucks group” together as a “unit” for a time; teaching, molding, and fashioning us the way He saw fit for each of us, for a time.  But then, in His perfect timing, carried away what was not needed, piece by piece, one by one … putting each of us in different places, for different purposes, with different “units” of people, continuing to carry on the same process.

The big question is this:  Are we allowing Him to work in us and through us through this process?  Are we relying on Him to show us what we need to change in our lives? Or, are we just allowing these things to happen without sufficiently learning what God’s purpose is for all of it?  We can either learn from what He’s showing us, or we can ignore it, “sweeping it under the rug,’ so to speak.  I assure you, sweeping it under the rug is not the way to go.  When we do that we are ignoring the issues that God wants us to deal with.  Just because we ignore something doesn’t mean that issue will go away.  I assure you, it will still be there for us to deal with whenever we decide to deal with it.  I say, “Why not deal with the issue when God brings it to our conscience instead of dragging it out for weeks, months, years, or decades?”  When we do that, we’re only making it more difficult on ourselves.

God has a purpose for everything that takes place in our lives.  These “lines” or “voids” that are created are there for a reason; to strengthen and teach us through and in Him by allowing Him to fill those voids that are left behind. People won’t and cannot fill those voids.  Oh, one can try, but in the end, we will see that we truly need God. We are nothing without Him. I do my best to remember to tell Him on a daily basis that I am nothing without Him.  I don’t want to live my life without acknowledging that He is working in and through me at all times. In all honesty, anything that we do without Him is done in vain.  Now, that doesn’t mean that He won’t take our messes and work it out for His good, because He will and does according to Romans 8:28.  “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to his purpose.”  Hallelujah!!  He is a loving Father who not only genuinely cares for us, but genuinely loves us.  Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

So, again I ask: “Are we allowing God to work in and through us as these “lines” or “voids” are created in our lives?  God takes things out of our lives that we do not need, whether it’s people, things, habits, etc. Are we allowing Him to then fill that void with Himself? Or, are we trying to fill it with something or someone else? My hope is that as these things take place in our lives that we will allow Holy Spirit to do what He does best … simply help us.  After Jesus was resurrected from death to life, He said that it was to our advantage that He go back to Heaven.  Physically speaking He could only be in one place at a time … like us. But, He told us that when He left, He would send Holy Spirit to be our Helper.  Holy Spirit is our Helper!!  How awesome is that?  There is nothing he cannot fix or heal …nothing.  It’s a matter of whether or not we allow Him to do so.  I hope that you will allow Holy Spirit to work in your life as He sees fit.  He truly knows what is best for each and every one of us.  Trust in Him!     

Following and leading ... or just following?

I’ve had something stirring in my heart for awhile now, and especially the past few days.  I guess a question that sums it up is: What are we, as followers of Christ, doing to lead others to God? 

I recently was in the midst of a few folks who are followers of Christ and a few topics came up that seem to be a “faux pas” in the Western Church.  I believe I’ll address a few of these things here.

As we were discussing Jesus casting demons out of people in His day as part of the lesson, someone stated that he thought that just maybe there were still demons that possessed people today.  Of course there are!!  As this situation unfolded, I felt led to share my limited understanding of this.  I shared about how I had worked with a group of women and we did cast out demons in Jesus’ name.  As I shared, both astonishment and a hush came over the group.  One person even said, “I don’t know that I could have been a part of that.” My question is:  Why not?  If we are disciples and followers of Christ, are we not called to do what Jesus did?  Jesus, laid hands on people and healed them.  He prayed for the blind and gave them sight.  He cast demons out of people.  These are just a few of the things that Jesus did.  Why is it that there are churches full of “Christians” who choose to believe that these things are not for this day and age?

We live in a time where people who are afflicted with the demonic, don’t know it and are often sent to doctors in the belief that it is mental illness.  Now, although there are folks who do have physiological problems that do cause mental illness, not all people need medicine to treat their issues.  Some are demonic issues and some are physiological issues.  The problem within our society is that we, for the most part, choose to not believe the demonic part of that statement.  I have witnessed a young woman diagnosed as bipolar have demons cast out of her.  Afterwards, God transformed her mind and she was no longer taking meds for these issues that were obviously misdiagnosed not only by the secular doctors, but also by pastors in her church.   

These things are real, but for some reason, our society has decided that they, for the most part, don’t believe it.  

One of the things I said during our discussion was the Jesus had the Holy Spirit without limit.  This is the same Holy Spirit that lives in us … the same!  There is no reason why we shouldn’t be doing the same as Jesus did!  So, my question is:  

Why are we just sitting back doing nothing about situations like this?  I believe it’s because of our unbelief.  The majority of the Western church simply refuses to believe.  This is nothing new.  I was reading in Matthew 17 today about how a man brought his son to Jesus to be healed.  The son would have seizures and often fall into the fire or into the water.  The man had taken his son to the disciples and the disciples were unable to heal him.  Jesus then called them (the disciples) a faithless and perverse generation.  Later Jesus told the them that it was due to their unbelief that they were unable to cure the boy.  He said that they must have faith and also, this situation called for prayer and fasting.  Now, if the disciples, who walked and talked with Jesus missed it, I can see how easy it would be for us to miss it, as well.  

But, what if God is trying to get our attention here?  Just maybe He wants to remove scales from our eyes and unclog our ears.  What do you believe?  Do you believe that God has made a way for you to lay your hands on people, pray and heal others and cast demons out?  Or do you choose to not believe?  What are you doing for others in this respect?

We live in a society that, more often than not, chooses to live the “easy life.”  We have churches full of “Christians” who come from generation after generation of Christians who are now coasting on the prayers of the generations of the past.  We have Christians who believe that because someone is having a difficult time, they need to walk away from that person and not help them because that “issue” is beneath them and it’s best that they not associate with that person.  Trust me, this is true!  I, more often than not, have had people … “followers of Christ” walk away and not offer any help whatsoever simply because they “didn’t have the time, or didn’t want to get involved, or simply chose to have no compassion.”  Is this how we see Jesus when He encounters people with troubles or sickness in the Bible?  No, it isn’t.  

Why do you go to church?  Is it because it’s a social event?  Do you go because of “good programs?”  Do you go because you’re expected to go?  Do you go to praise and worship God?

If you go to praise and worship God, what do you do with what you have received from God in that experience?  Do you keep it to yourself?  I’ve had people say, “Wow Angie, you really put yourself out there,” when I have shared my experiences.  Or, “Wow, you’re really in tune with the Holy Spirit!”  Well, my question is: Why aren’t you putting yourself out there?  Why aren’t you in tune with the Holy Spirit, as well?  This lifestyle that I have chosen isn’t just for “special people.”  I’m not special.  I’m simply choosing to live my life to the full as a follower of Christ.  Isn’t that what God wants of all of us?

Look, Easter / Resurrection day is only a few days away.  It’s the time of year that we take note and celebrate the truth that Jesus, while sinless, sacrificed his life for all mankind.  I ask you: Did He die so that we could sit back, coast through life, and then go to Heaven when this life is done?  No … He didn’t!  It’s His will that none … NONE, should perish.  2 Peter 3:9

Are you allowing God to work through you to reach the lost in your world?  If you consider yourself a Christian, what are you doing to advance the Kingdom of God?  God isn’t telling us that we should all be missionaries, or sit on street corners with signs warning of the end, etc.  It’s actually fairly simple.  We simply have to be intentional about living a life led by the Holy Spirit.  I have to tell you that I don’t believe there are very many Christians who choose to live their lives this way.  Far too many people attend church, head home and then go about their lives with no intention of being led by the Holy Spirit.  Sure, we pray, meet with our  Christian groups during the week, and head back to church the following Sunday and repeat and repeat and repeat.  But, what are you doing to reach the lost in your world?  Are you coasting through life just to make it through so you can enjoy Heaven in the next life?  

Folks, there is an arrogance within much of the church that believes that this is the way we should live our lives.  This isn’t truly living a life of a follower of Christ. We can go to church, praise and worship God, learn everything there is to know in the Bible, be inspired by awesome stories of God’s goodness to us, but if we’re not doing anything to share with the lost, what good is any of it?

Jesus’ ministry on this Earth was three years long.  Look at what He did to help the lost and hurting.  He was a friend to sinners.  He met them where they were and sincerely loved them.  Are you able to sincerely love someone who won’t attend church with you?  Are you able to simply allow God to work through you without demanding that the non believer do things the way you want them to?  God’s ways are not our ways.  We are not God.  Only God is God.  Jesus loved people and walked with them.  Jesus is our example.  I wonder how long he walked with us without demanding that we live our lives a certain way before we accepted Him as our Savior?  He is our example.  ~ Selah 

 Look at the “religious leaders” of His time, what did Jesus have to say to them?  Well, just to name a few things, He called them a “brood of vipers” and “whitewashed tombs”.  He described them as having the cup clean on the outside, but the inside of the cup dirty, meaning that they had a great appearance, but anything deeper than that appearance and He wasn’t impressed.  They were superficial.  They knew the scriptures by heart.  They had a plan and acted accordingly, but, when the Savior of the world stood in front of them, they didn’t even know it.  They saw Him spending time with sinners, healing them and casting out demons.  Then, they accused Him of being led by Satan.  Their faith and belief system was superficial simply because Jesus didn’t fit the mold that they had been taught.  I don’t want to live my life that way.  I choose to live the way Jesus did to the best of my ability.  I believe His way is not only much better, but, the only way.

The beginning of 2018, I posted a blog about making time to reach the lost and hurting in our world like the good Samaritan.  I believe that God is trying to get our attention.  I believe that many of us do truly love the Lord, but that our process is somewhat flawed.  The Western church believes too much of what is taught in our seminaries today … not that it’s all flawed.  That’s not what I’m saying.  But, what I am saying is that we are all called to be disciples of Christ, not just “the leaders” who have attended seminary and are now paid to lead a church.  It’s not just the leaders job to lead others to Christ.  Many of our churches are designed to “feed” followers, but are not set up to teach us to be true disciples of Christ.  We are all called to be disciples.  We all have a specific purpose for our lives no matter where we work or spend our time.

So, with all that said; What are we, as followers of Christ, doing to lead others to God?  Are we following Christ and leading others to Christ ... or just following? ~ Selah 

A fool and his folly... Proverbs 26:4-5

The past three months of my life have been a bit of a whirl wind, to say the least.  In a matter of just a few days, the Lord directed me to leave family, friends, and basically everything behind in Arkansas and temporarily relocate to California.  God’s grace has been absolutely amazing…hands down…because this has been an extremely trying transition!!

 

I’ll have to be honest with you, I wasn’t sure as to the “why” I was coming out here until about 4-5 weeks into my residency here in California.  Now that I’ve been here for two days shy of two months, I have a much better idea of the “why.”  I wouldn’t say that I fully know all the reasons because God always tends to reveal some in “the during” and some in “the after.”  It always amazes me how He always works things out for my good.  I trust Him.  I trust Him, fully.

 

Yesterday, I was thinking about the scripture in Proverbs.  4 “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him.  5 Answer a fool according to his folly lest he be wise in his own eyes.  Proverbs 26:4  As I was thinking about some of the crazy things that have happened since I left Arkansas, this scripture came to mind.  I looked it up, read it and pondered it throughout the day.  This morning, much to my surprise, it was in my daily Bible reading.  I was overjoyed, praising God for the way He does things and laughing because of the joy it brought me!

 

Early on in my arrival, a young woman began challenging my boundaries.  I’m sure she didn’t realize that she was crossing boundaries that she shouldn’t.  It’s ok.  I could see that she doesn’t have a good sense of boundaries for herself.  For the most part, I know and understand how to handle these situations…only because of God’s leading and guiding and not because of anything within me.  I rely on God’s help to know what to do and when to do it.  I once was the young woman who had no sense of good boundaries.  I have allowed God to teach me.  Therefore, I now am ultra respectful of the boundaries of others and also keep safe boundaries for myself.

 

Anyway, this person crossed a boundary with me.  I didn’t say anything to her.  I let it go, forgave her and prayed about it.  Soon thereafter, she did it again, but in a different way.  This time, I asked her a question where she had to answer either “yes” or “no” to her foolishness.  Well, she didn’t like this at all.  She was immediately offended and then went around spouting off about what had taken place between the two of us.  Never mind the fact that she was out of line in the first place.

 

This is exactly what the proverb is talking about.  It seems that it contradicts itself, but really it doesn’t.  You see, when dealing with foolishness of others, you have to know when to speak and when not to speak, and ultimately, either way, they won’t “get it.”  When you don’t speak, said person believes they are wise in their own eyes.  When you do speak, they usually get offended and show their immaturity.  When dealing with a person like this, you cannot win.  It truly is best to simply walk away and just keep the peace when coming in contact with them.

 

This person from that moment on did everything she could to get into “my world.”  It’s not that I was unfriendly or mean.  I was simply keeping safe, healthy boundaries for myself.  This wasn’t my “first rodeo,” so the saying goes.  The thing is, even though this person stirred up all of strife and even tried to “teach me” where she believes I’m in error, she has no idea that she is the one in error.  She has chosen to be “wise in her own eyes.”  I don’t say that arrogantly or as though I am wise in my own eyes at all.  I say it extremely humbly.  I have been patient to allow the Lord to show me exactly what He wanted me to learn from the situation without spouting off and gossiping to others about the situation.

 

Basically, the Proverb says that you cannot win with a fool.  You cannot answer a fool who is “wise in their own eyes.”  You must be cautious and use wisdom if you choose to answer what the Bible refers to as a fool.

 

The truth of the matter is, this person is loved by God as much as you and I are.  He wants a better way for this person as much as He wants a better way for you and me.

 

If and when we find ourselves in a situation like this, we must remember that even though someone is crossing boundaries and being disrespectful, we must take the high road, which I did, in this case.  Thank You, Jesus…who enabled me to do so!!  More often than not, we must remain silent, which I also did.  God will fight these battles for us when we allow Him to do so.  Exodus 14:14  Silence doesn’t mean we don’t understand a situation.  Silence doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t have anything to say, either.  For me in this particular situation as a leader, I wasn’t in a position as a leader who had authority to confront and correct, but rather a follower.  I knew my boundaries and chose to keep them.  It wasn’t my place to correct this person, so I forgave and let it go, but, I kept safe boundaries for myself with this person from that point on.  Wisdom was available, accessed and used in this situation.  If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who will give it without reproach.  James 1:5  I rely on this scripture  A LOT!!  God has never failed me.  If I fail to use wisdom in a situation, it’s not because of God, but rather because I didn’t ask for, access, or use it.  Wisdom is always there for us because God is always there for us with an infinite supply of wisdom.  We must choose it.  We must also pray for the person who is the offender.  The Bible says to love your neighbor and pray for your enemies.  Mark 12:30-31, Matthew 5:43-48

 

In this case, this person has no idea of their folly.  That’s ok.  It’s currently where she is in her walk.  If she continues with the Lord and allows Him to do so, He will teach her a better way in time … like he has done and continues to do with me because that's what I choose with all my heart.

 

Bottom line … be cautious when dealing with what the Bible refers to as fools.  Don’t fall into their trap.  Use wisdom that God provides.  Know who you are in Christ.  When you know who you are in Him, you don’t have to try to win people over to your side because you know that the only opinion that matters is God’s opinion of you.  ~ Selah

Stand tall, stand firm in Him!

Several years ago, David and I found a church that we really liked a lot.  In a short amount of time, we realized that this is where the Lord wanted us for where we were in our walk with Him.  We filled out the visitor’s card to let them know where we were interested in serving.  Of course being a worshipper, I chose the worship team.  I’ll be honest with you, because of my past experiences, I was completely surprised when I was contacted by the church about auditioning for the worship team.  So, I went to one of their practices and then was given three songs to play and sing and a time to audition.

 

When I went for the tryout, I immediately felt a “wall” … an invisible spiritual wall.  In the moment, I wasn’t sure of what it was, but, I wasn’t nervous because I knew God had the ultimate say in the outcome.  Two minutes before I auditioned, one of the “judges” said to me, “Don’t be surprised if you don’t make the team the first time.”  Well, this totally threw me off of my game.  I wasn’t expecting to be discouraged, but rather encouraged!  In all my years of trying out for different bands on instruments from trumpet, trombone, euphonium and guitar spanning four decades, I had never in my life heard a judge make a comment like this, especially to the face of the person who is auditioning only moments before the audition.  Quite frankly, this behavior is very unprofessional and uncalled for.  I powered through and although I wasn’t happy with my audition, God was, and more importantly, He was happy with my heart.  Ultimately, I made it on the team…the first time.  I will say this, though.  This was the beginning of a tough twenty months for me.

 

I met with this young woman to make a personal connection with her and it was pretty much a waste of my time.  She was so convinced that she “knew who I was” through her “discernment” that she didn’t even listen to what I was saying to her.  She was more concerned with letting me know “what” she knew.  I was there to make a friend in Christ.  That never happened.  Before she got to the restaurant where we met, I had been working on a new blog.  A few weeks prior to our meeting, I had recently released a blog that had been read in approximately 52 different countries on six different continents in a matter of seven to ten days.  This was very exciting for me and I was still adding different countries to the still growing list.  She asked me what I was working on and I shared this with her.  We talked about it and I shared with her how, at the time, I seemed to have somewhat of a following in Russia, as well.  Now, you have to understand that I give God all the glory for this.  This was nothing that I could have ever done by myself.  It just happened on it’s own.  I don’t advertise my blog or anything like that.  Seeing God at work like this just makes my day!!  Hallelujah!!  But, I guess this wasn’t interesting to her and she informed me that she was certain that there was no way that the “supposed” Russian following was really a following because there was no way they could understand it.  She suggested that I use her for translating purposes for that reason.  I never did.  And, I found out later from a Russian friend of mine that, yes, they are taught English and can read it and understand it well.

 

In an effort to be friends with this young woman, as I attempt with all people, I was transparent with her about my life.  After all, we’re all flawed humans living in a fallen world.  I believe being transparent with people is a must.  But, as I’m about to share with you, being transparent can cause trouble for you.  Even so, you must rise above it.  No one should boast about the ease of their life.  Not one person on this planet has the choice of what family they are born into.  This is totally the choice of the Creator of all Creation.  I believe He knows what He’s doing…

 

So, this woman found it necessary to “share” my story with others, which is perfectly fine.  The problem I have is that I paid for her unbelief in God’s ability to heal hurts.  Because she couldn’t get through her head that God really does heal the hurts in our lives, she took it upon herself to spread “her truths” about me.  Church, this is called gossip.  Because she chose to not see that God had healed me, she spread rumors that I was a person in desperate need of help.  From that moment on, life at this church was, for the most part, was hell for me.  I had people mico-managing me personally…people who never took the time to get to know me, and to this very day, still do not know me.  And, because my tryout was not my best, they found it necessary to micro manage my guitar playing, ultimately placing me in a box.  If you’re a creative person, you know that this can and often does stifle the creative flow.  One of my college professors in music and I had a conversation about such things and he advised how important it is to allow creative flow to happen and not to stagnate, stifle, or stop it.  I couldn’t agree more.

 

**As a side note to this; if we place the Holy Spirit in a box, he is kept from doing His creative miracles…whatever they may be.  ~ Selah

 

**Micro managing and controlling others says more about the person who is micro managing and controlling that the one(s) they’re micro managing and controlling.

 

I had to overcome.  Finally, after a few months of the micro managing, I got my moment.  I had made the decision that, in this church, in this situation, I had to be who God created me to be.  It was all or nothing.  I say that respectfully and I was totally and completely respectful to the setting and the team.  I would not purposefully do anything to draw attention to myself.  Worshipping God is about just that…worshipping God.  I’m just one of the surrendered individuals that He is flowing though in the process.  I decided that if they didn’t like who I was … who I am … I was indeed ready to move along.  That wasn’t God’s will.  They did like my playing.  I was released from their grasp.  They had been putting restrictions on me that wouldn’t allow freedom of my worship style.  But then the tables turned…and not for my good.  Most days as I approached the church, I would pray, “God, protect me…thank You for protecting me because it feels as though I’m walking into a lion’s den.”  He did protect me while opening my eyes to things that were happening in the spirit realm.  It didn’t matter what I did or didn’t say … what I did or didn’t do … I would be “attacked” in some form or another nearly every time I was there.  I am finding that this was great training.  You see, when God promotes, as Joyce Meyer says, “new level, new devil.”  This is true and very often, actually, more often than not, it comes through fellow believers.  But, it’s not flesh and blood that we contend with.  See Ephesians 6:12

 

We must be strong enough to withstand the onslaught of the enemy no matter who it comes through.  When we are weak, God shows His strength through us when we call upon Him.  2 Corinthians 12:9-11

 

You see, I don’t believe that God likes it when we, His children, behave this way.  But…we live in a fallen world.  He is not surprised by this behavior, nor does He love us any less through it.  Jesus made a way for us when He gave His all at the cross.  When we trust Him to do so, He will work all things out for our good.  Romans 8:28  We must trust Him.

 

If you find that you’re going through something similar to this, I encourage you to stand tall … stand firm in who you are in Christ in the midst of persecution.  Even though we may be surprised or taken aback by attacks from the enemy, God is not.  He knew everything that would happen to us long before the foundations of the Earth were laid, and He made a way.  Ephesians 1:4, 1Peter 1:20

 

Stand tall, stand firm in Him!!  It’s all about advancing the Kingdom of God and gaining ground from the enemy.  Don’t let the enemy stop you, in Jesus’ name!  Hallelujah!

Giving birth...ouch!

 At the beginning of this year while in prayer, the Lord told me that the next nine months or so were going to be challenging and the road was going to be steep.  But, thankfully, He also told me that I would make it through it.  Now, you might be thinking, “Of course you’re going to make it through.”  At least that’s what goes through my mind when I wrote it. LOL!!  I have to say that I am very grateful the way He encouraged me, revealing to me that I would make it through.  It’s mid July and I’m not quite through the (minimum) nine challenging months.  In all honesty, this has probably been the most challenging time I have experienced in my life, seriously.  Oh how grateful I am that God is not only faithful to warn me about this, but encouraged me that I will make it through.  Because He knows the beginning from the end, I believe that He knew that I would need this encouragement or that I would quit and walk away from what I believe to be my life’s calling in Him.  Even knowing what I know, quitting has crossed my mind more than once since January.

 

So far since January, I’ve been told that I’m not a Proverbs 31 woman, that I’m hated by all of my family, that all I care about is myself, that I don’t hear from the Lord, that my vehicle purchase was vanity and not a blessing from the Lord…just to name a few things.  In the midst of a seemingly never ending battle to help someone I love to overcome narcissism, I’ve been accused of not handling things the way one person thinks I should handle them.  This person’s age in years is fewer than the number of years I’ve been married.  They have also known me for about one minute of my life, as well, by the way.  If you’ve never been in an intimate relationship with a narcissist, all I can say is that you have no idea how challenging it is…no…idea!!  I don’t say that to defend myself, because even though I know that I know that I know that I’m not a perfect person, in which we all are imperfect, I know that I know that I know that I am exactly where God wants me, doing, to the best of my God given ability, all that He wants me to do concerning this situation.  God wants freedom for the narcissist as much as any other person.  (What I have learned about most situations concerning a narcissist is that most people abandon the narcissist deeming them too difficult for the Lord to heal.  I refuse to believe such nonsense! Jesus has overcome everything!!)

 

I, unfortunately, can now say that I have been abandoned and / or rejected by every family member and / or friend in one way, shape, or form.  Even so…I know who I am in Christ.  Now, I don’t say all of this to get sympathy or kudos, to pat myself on the back, or anything of the sort.  I just want to say, “Thank You, Jesus…I’m still standing!!”  Hallelujah!!  I’m standing because and only because of what Jesus provided for me at the cross to be more than a conqueror!!  Romans 8:31-39

 

I know that I know that I know that I will make it through what seems to be a birthing process.  What He plans to birth, I’m uncertain.  But, I do know that He has asked me what my hearts desires are more than once over the course of several years and then recently told me that He is going to grant them.  I trust Him.  His timing is perfect.

 

His ways are not like our ways.  If He allows challenging times, it’s because He can see the other side of the challenging time and knows that the outcome will work for our good.  He has brought me to a place of seemingly nothingness.  I am encouraged because I know that He loves to work miracles from seemingly impossible places.  That way it is seen that it is Him…and Him alone who has brought about a miracle!!  Hallelujah!!

 

He told me that this season would be challenging.  He, of course, speaks the truth.  He is truth.  Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.  John 14:6  But not only does He speak only the truth.  He is faithful!  God is not a man, that He should lie, nor a son of man that He should repent.  Has He said, and will He not do?  Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?  Numbers 23:19

 

So, I share these scandalous, challenging situations not to expose myself or anyone else.  I share them to be transparent because I know that I’m not the only person who is going through challenging times.  I know that I’m not the only person who sometimes wakes up in the morning and finds it hard to want to get out of bed and keep on keepin’ on.  We all have these moments.  I want to encourage you to keep on keepin’ on.  Put your trust in the Lord.

 

Although I can see some of the reasons why God has brought me on this route, I don’t fully know why He has brought me this route.  It’s not for me to figure out, but rather, to walk out.  But, what I do know is that He has shown me that He truly is the only One I can fully trust.  He is the only One I can fully rely on…Him and Him alone.  Man, whether they want to or not, intend to or not, will fail you.  Myself…I will fail people even though I truly would never intentionally want to fail someone.  We are human…imperfect humans.  We will make mistakes.  It’s not a matter of if, but when.

Don’t hold someone to standards that are impossible for them to keep.  Just don’t do it!  Life is hard enough.  Love God, love people.  That’s what matters.  If you don’t have discernment for certain situations, ask God for it.  God wants us to have wisdom about challenging situations in our lives.  James 1:5   If you find yourself lacking compassion in certain situations, ask God for it.  He has compassion for all situations because He has experienced everything every man could ever experience.  He has the compassion.  He will show us the way and you must choose it.  Hebrews 4:15


Yes, this has been a challenging season so far.  But, I can now look back over the course of many, many years and see that He has used challenging situations to grow me, strengthen me, and stretch me.  Without these trying times, we cannot be all that He created us to be.  It also costs us something.  We must choose to go through challenging times.  God never ever said that life in Him would be easy.  2 Timothy 3:12  But one thing I know is that it is truly worth it.  To know that I’m loved by the Creator of the Universe is enough.  He loved me first…and always.  1 John 4:19,  Ephesians 1:4

 

I also know that He will use these challenging situations so that I am equipped to help others.  He raises us up to be able to help others, so that they can help others…and on and on and on.  It’s about advancing the Kingdom of God in a world of darkness.

 

Trust Him through the process.  He is faithful.   

The Lid Is Off...

Today as I was readying myself for the day, my heart was heavy…heavy for my family, heavy for humanity, heavy for the church, heavy for this nation.

 

I couldn’t form any words, but suddenly, crying and tears broke forth.  I was crying out to the God of all flesh...all flesh…all races.  At first, no words would form.  The heaviness that was on my heart could not be expressed in words, but rather in tears, cries and groanings.  God understood.  Only He could understand.  Finally, I was able to form words…repenting, once again for this nation, for the atrocities that have occurred…unneeded killing, racism…hate…all from the enemy, but allowed by man.

 

We have done this to our selves.  We have allowed racism and hate long enough.  ENOUGH ALREADY!!

 

As I walked through my home today straightening things, I picked up an ice chest that we had used for a recent cookout at our home.  As I picked it up, I began to reason how I was going to deal with the water residue that was in it.  Quickly, I decided that I would simply put the chest in the garage, but I would lift the lid so that the heat in the garage would not cause any germs that might be inside to form and cause mold and mildew.  It was an easy decision.  If I chose to leave the lid closed, chances are, the next time I opened it, it would be disgusting and quite a mess to clean up.  All of these things went through my mind in a matter of moments as I carried this through the house to the garage.

 

It’s then, through this process, that the Lord allowed me to see that this is exactly what has happened here in the US.  You see, instead of doing the right thing here in the US, we have “enjoyed the party,” and “put the ice chest” away without dealing with it properly.  This country has enjoyed the fruits of the blessings of our God, but we have strayed away as prosperity has grown.  And, as immensely as the prosperity has grown, so has the nastiness.  The “lid” has been closed, ignored, and the nastiness took over…long ago.

 

I’m not just speaking about our government.  I’m speaking about the church, as well.

 

Collectively, we have turned a blind eye to the things that have been dealt with improperly…hate, racism, murder, inequality towards women, and even religion, just to name a few.  Now, you might be wondering why I have included religion in this.  Well, I say religion simply because being a follower of Christ has little to nothing to do with religion.  But, religion is much of what is at the root of the issues that we’re dealing with here in the US.  Followers of Christ should be the ones who lead the way, setting the standard for the community, not the other way around…and certainly not those who have Christ on their lips and not in their hearts…religion.  Matthew 15:8, Isaiah 29:13-17

 

We have churches and denominations that have chosen, in the past, to tolerate and even endorse hate and racism, when, indeed, they should have been standing against it in the name of Jesus.  When this is allowed, not for days, months, years, or decades, but centuries…we have a problem.

 

The “lid” has been on hate, racism, and religion far too long. Now, hear me loud and clear; not all religious people are this way, but many are.  And, those who truly are Followers of Christ will love others…ALL others…as Christ loves us all.  He loved us while we were still sinners.  Romans 5:8

True followers of Christ need to arise!  We need to be the hands and feet of Christ and show love and be love.  We have shrunk back too long.  We have allowed religious ways, hate, racism, violence, etc. to continue on when it should have been stopped long ago.

 

I am one who was not raised in church.  I came to Christ in my twenties; I’m only months from my 50^th today.  I have seen a lot.  When I began attending church, I had rose colored glasses when I participated with groups and such within the church.  At first, I bought it hook, line and sinker.  But, as I grew in Christ, I began to wonder why things within the church were so different than what was being taught in the pulpit and what is actually in the Bible.  So many churches are inclusive only to themselves.  They are much like social clubs…even though they teach that they shouldn’t be that way.  Many churches will even say that they are not like the “social club” churches in the area, when in fact they actually are.  Myself, for the most part, I don’t “fit” in today’s modern churches.  I have tried and I have come to the realization that it’s okay that I don’t fit in.

 

I love Jesus with all my heart, but I don’t find it necessary to jump through all the hoops that “church people” require to be considered a “good Christian.”  It’s not man who judges the heart, it’s God who does. 1 Samuel 16:7  Jesus doesn’t make us jump through hoops to be His follower, but He doesn’t turn a blind eye to the sin in our lives, either.  When He sees that the time is right, He brings it to our attention and brings conviction through the Holy Spirit to deal with it.  Then He lovingly shows us the way to overcome it.

 

Jesus loves everyone.  However, Jesus hates sin.  He is the Master at loving people even when they are still living in sin.  The church has a lot to learn in this area.

 

I’m very sorry to say it but the church is not doing a good job at loving people and hating sin.  The church is good at saying, “love the person, hate the sin,” but they, for the most part, are far from actually loving the sinner.

 

Church people…at least most of the church people I have been around…do not know how to relate to the lost.  They choose to stay in their comfortable bubble and call it “God’s way.”  I beg to differ.  The church has alienated itself from the real world and in doing so, have, for the most part, stopped being effective at truly winning much of the lost to the Lord.  They have continued to allow terrible things like judging, hate, and racism to not only survive, but grow into the nastiness that we now see on our TV and computer screens almost daily. The average person on the street wants nothing to do with Jesus simply because of many of His “followers.”

 

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.  Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” ~ Ghandi

 

There may be many of you who are reading this right now who believe that this article is not about you.  Maybe you are one of the few who do not live this way.  There are many who choose not to live this way, but there are far more who consider themselves followers of Christ who do choose to live this way.

 

Please understand that I’m not attempting to tear apart the Body of Christ, but rather, spurn realization to a sleeping, fence sitting church.  Revelation ch 1-3  Folks, this has happened on our watch!  Repentance is in order.  Examining ourselves, examining our ways and correcting them should be the new mandate.  There is a way out of this.  God is not surprised by this!  Jesus made a way when He said, “It is finished.”  We need to realize, more than ever, it is God’s way that we need to choose and not ours.  Our way is not working.  Look around…you certainly don’t have to look far to see that I speak the truth.

 

If you consider yourself a follower of Christ, I urge you to hit your knees in total submission to God.  I urge you to repent of anything that is between you and God.  I urge you to cry out to Him for repentance of this once great nation.  I urge you to ask Him to show you what you can do to spurn change in your area of the vast nation.  God is not through with this nation and we can once again be great if we humble ourselves before Him.  He alone is what has made us great in the past.

 

If My people who are called by my name will humble yourselves and pray and truly seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from Heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.  2 Chronicles 7:14

 

The lid is off.  It’s time to clean out the mess.

Trust God!

Back in 2010, I found it necessary to get a paying job outside the home.  Due to the economic collapse in 2008, the company David works for had massive lay offs.  He managed to survive the layoffs, but had taken a thirty percent cut in pay.  In 2006 we had finished building a new home.  There were some odd things that took place with the builder and it left things financially challenging for us even before the cut in his pay.  I had been the manager for 45 vendors at our local farmers market during the summer of 2009, but circumstances caused me to want to look for employment elsewhere.  A friend of mine told me about a part-time job so I checked into it.  I passed the tests that were required and ended up getting the job.

 

At the time, I was having some extreme physical issues that would cause me to be very tired.  I also didn’t realize that I was a tactile learner then.  Being a tactile learner means that I learn by going through the processes.  To sit and listen for hours on end is very challenging for me.  It’s actually better for me if you just throw me in the thick of things.  I may be in over my head at first, but once I get it, I rise to the top and do extremely well.  I just know that’s how I function.   It’s how I was created.  Looking back to my elementary school days, I remember having issues with this.  But, in the early 70’s they taught one way and you learned one way.

 

So, the training process was a bit challenging for me, but I really liked what I was doing, so I stuck with it.  I would even tell my friends about the place when they were hiring.  The hours were good.  We’d usually work only 6 hours a week and the pay was pretty good considering it was part time.

When we were learning new things, I would raise my hand if I had questions, like the others did, but my questions would rarely ever get answered.  I didn’t understand this.  My boss would look right at me and then ignore me.  This was challenging.  Also, the hours would change weekly.  Sometimes we wouldn’t know until the day before that we would need to be at work.  They would call to let us know and then we would have to call to confirm if we found out via voice mail.  Often, I would call the office and no one would answer the phone.  This was frustrating for me because I was doing my best to follow their instructions.

 

One day I addressed the phone issue with my boss after they embarrassed me in front of the entire team of people that we worked with.  They did not like this.  In fact, they didn’t like it so much that they called me into the office to “straighten me out.”  I prayed silently as I awaited the boss’ presence.  I knew that I had done nothing wrong and I didn’t like getting pushed around and ignored.  I just wanted peace whatever the cost.  I had decided that I had been there for a few years and this treatment hadn’t stopped.  It was no longer worth the frustration that it was now causing.  I made up my mind that I would stand up for myself kindly, politely and respectfully when the boss came in and I didn’t care if they fired me.  It was all or nothing.

 

So, the boss came in and began raking me over the coals.  This person was bullying me and I went toe to toe with them.  During this conversation, I found out that they didn’t think that I even liked my job.  I explained to them just how wrong they were about me and how I always share with people the job openings and tell others how much I like the job.  I wouldn’t have stayed, if I didn’t like it.  The job itself was fun and interesting.  Now…they seemed shocked.  And then, this person began to just talk and ramble on…speaking out the truth of the situation which, through this process, they actually revealed aloud that I had done nothing wrong.  They had judged me wrongly.  Then came the “deer in the headlight” look.  This person then apologized to me and brought in another person and they also apologized to me.  We all talked for a moment and then they realized that they had been wrong about me for more than two years.

 

You see they had chosen to see me for something that I wasn’t…for whatever reason.  They made that decision and held it against me without taking the time to get to know who I really was.  They apparently didn’t understand that in spite of my extreme physical issues at the time, I was there, pushing through the discomfort and still managed to do my job well.  And, in spite of the challenges to learn the way things were taught, I still learned and succeeded.  This was their issue, not mine.  They saw their error, humbled themselves, apologized, and all was well.

 

I still work at this place.  I still enjoy working there and enjoy the many people who work there…nearly 7 years now.

 

The person who I had gone “toe to toe” with recently left our NW Arkansas location to open a location elsewhere.  Before they left, they approached me and we had a wonderful conversation.  All is well because of the mature way that this was handled after they found out the truth of who I truly was.  They had believed the lies the enemy was whispering in their ears and I was the victim.  But, God found it necessary to vindicate me. I trusted Him.  I put Him in charge and followed the leading of the Holy Spirit.

 

If I wasn’t a Christian, I wouldn’t have any understanding of what was happening in this situation.  But since I am, I get it.  You see, it’s not flesh and blood that we strive with.  Ephesians 6:12  It’s the enemy.  In the words of Jesus; “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, I have come that they may have life and have it abundantly.”  John 10:10  I put this situation in God’s hands knowing that I didn’t do anything wrong.  Even If I had lost my job, I still knew that I had done nothing wrong.  Fortunately, my boss saw for themselves that I had done nothing wrong and they had held this against me for more than two years.  I’m grateful that I stood my ground in this situation.

 

God has called us to love others. 1 Corinthians 13 Often loving others means that we walk away silently, even when we know that we’ve done nothing wrong.  But, love is not a door mat.  Matthew 21:12-13, John 2:13-17  Love has safe boundaries.  Love is not a push over.  With that said, like in this situation, there’s nothing wrong with standing our ground.  I put the situation in God’s hands and He took care of it and brought the truth into the light.

 

We could call this situation a “holy discontent.” I have experienced many holy discontentments, but just recently learned a name for it.

 

When Jesus went into His Father’s house and saw them making it a den of thieves, it caused a holy discontent within Him.  It caused anger.  There’s nothing wrong with anger as long as we don’t sin in the process.  Human anger does not bring about the righteousness that God desires.  James 1:20  There’s nothing wrong with having a holy discontent, either.  It’s what we choose to do with it.

 

Jesus went and made a whip before He went back and drove the sellers out of the temple.  Making a whip takes time.  This situation wasn’t something that raised anger and just went away quickly.  This was something that needed to be dealt with.  Now Jesus never sinned.  He was angry and he drove the vendors out of the temple with a whip!!  In this situation, it wasn’t a sin.  He was doing the work of His Father.  John 5:19

 

Just like Jesus at the temple, we too, may experience a holy discontent from time to time.  We need to put whatever it is in the hands of our Heavenly Father.  He will show us what to do and when the time is right.  For me, two and a half years into the situation at my job was the right time to do something about it.  I put this situation in His hands and He brought good from it.  Romans 8:28  The key is knowing when to stay and when to walk.  And, the only way we will know is by being led by the Holy Spirit.  He will lead us if we allow Him to do so.  Galatians 5:16-18

 

Dealing with a holy discontentment may take some time and maybe even more time than we realize at first.  It will most likely make us uncomfortable, as well.  Don’t brush it off.  Go with it and trust God.  Put it in His capable hands and He will work it out.  Don’t take things into your own hands.  That will only cause problems.

 

Trust God!