So far since January, I’ve been told that I’m not a Proverbs 31 woman, that I’m hated
by all of my family, that all I care about is myself, that I don’t hear from
the Lord, that my vehicle purchase was vanity and not a blessing from the Lord…just
to name a few things. In the midst
of a seemingly never ending battle to help someone I love to overcome
narcissism, I’ve been accused of not handling things the way one person thinks
I should handle them. This person’s age in
years is fewer than the number of years I’ve been married. They have also known me for about one minute of my life, as well, by the
way. If you’ve never been in an intimate
relationship with a narcissist, all I can say is that you have no
idea how challenging it is…no…idea!! I don’t say that to defend myself, because
even though I know that I know that I know that I’m not a perfect person, in
which we all are imperfect, I know
that I know that I know that I am exactly where God wants me, doing, to the
best of my God given ability, all that He wants me to do concerning this
situation. God wants freedom for the
narcissist as much as any other person.
(What I have learned about most situations concerning a narcissist is
that most people abandon the narcissist deeming them too difficult for the Lord
to heal. I refuse to believe such
nonsense! Jesus has overcome everything!!)
I, unfortunately, can now say that I have been abandoned and
/ or rejected by every family member
and / or friend in one way, shape, or form.
Even so…I know who I am in
Christ. Now, I don’t say all of this to
get sympathy or kudos, to pat myself on the back, or anything of the sort. I just want to say, “Thank You, Jesus…I’m still standing!!”
Hallelujah!! I’m standing
because and only because of what Jesus provided for me at the cross to be more than a conqueror!! Romans
8:31-39
I know that I know that I know that I will make it through
what seems to be a birthing process.
What He plans to birth, I’m uncertain.
But, I do know that He has asked me what my hearts desires are more than
once over the course of several years and then recently told me that He is going
to grant them. I trust Him. His timing is perfect.
His ways are not like our ways. If He allows challenging times, it’s because
He can see the other side of the challenging time and knows that the outcome
will work for our good. He has brought
me to a place of seemingly nothingness. I am encouraged because I know that He loves
to work miracles from seemingly impossible places. That way it is seen that it is Him…and Him
alone who has brought about a miracle!!
Hallelujah!!
He told me that this season would be challenging. He, of course, speaks the truth. He is
truth. Jesus said, “I am the way, the
truth, and the life. No one comes to the
Father except through me. John 14:6 But not only does He speak only
the truth. He is faithful! God is not a man, that He should lie, nor a
son of man that He should repent. Has He
said, and will He not do? Or has He
spoken, and will He not make it good? Numbers
23:19
So, I share these scandalous, challenging situations not to
expose myself or anyone else. I share
them to be transparent because I know that I’m not the only person who is going
through challenging times. I know that
I’m not the only person who sometimes wakes up in the morning and finds it hard
to want to get out of bed and keep on keepin’ on. We all
have these moments. I want to encourage
you to keep on keepin’ on. Put your
trust in the Lord.
Although I can see some of the reasons why God has brought
me on this route, I don’t fully know why
He has brought me this route. It’s not
for me to figure out, but rather, to walk
out. But, what I do know is that He
has shown me that He truly is the only One I can fully trust. He is the only One I can fully rely on…Him
and Him alone. Man, whether they want to
or not, intend to or not, will fail you.
Myself…I will fail people even though I truly would never intentionally
want to fail someone. We are
human…imperfect humans. We will make mistakes. It’s not a matter of if, but when.
Don’t hold someone to standards that are impossible for them to keep. Just don’t do it! Life is hard enough. Love God, love people. That’s what matters. If you don’t have discernment for certain situations, ask God for it. God wants us to have wisdom about challenging situations in our lives. James 1:5 If you find yourself lacking compassion in certain situations, ask God for it. He has compassion for all situations because He has experienced everything every man could ever experience. He has the compassion. He will show us the way and you must choose it. Hebrews 4:15
Yes, this has been a challenging season so far. But, I can now look back over the course of many, many years and see that He has used challenging situations to grow me, strengthen me, and stretch me. Without these trying times, we cannot be all that He created us to be. It also costs us something. We must choose to go through challenging times. God never ever said that life in Him would be easy. 2 Timothy 3:12 But one thing I know is that it is truly worth it. To know that I’m loved by the Creator of the Universe is enough. He loved me first…and always. 1 John 4:19, Ephesians 1:4
I also know that He will use these challenging situations so
that I am equipped to help others. He
raises us up to be able to help others, so that they can help others…and on and
on and on. It’s about advancing the Kingdom of God
Trust Him through the process. He is faithful.
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