Listen Well

I sat in Starbucks today ... I thought I was going to do some writing. But, after a few minutes, a young woman sat down next to me. She was dressed in gym clothes so I asked her where she works out. She began talking and 90 or so minutes later, I felt like I now know most of her life's story.

I didn't do a lot of talking in this conversation ... and I'm ok with that.  Because of the outcome, which includes her making a note of where I go to church so that she and her family might visit, I'm reminded of the importance of simply listening.

For several years now, I've expressed, many times, about the importance of listening to others and not just slinging out our opinions. This isn't new thinking for me.  And, now that I'm in the midst of another challenging time in my life, I'm even more aware of how much listening and not speaking is needed.

Although I'm sure people don't intend to hurt with their words, I believe they're very much unaware of just how much they do just that by speaking when they really just need to listen.

It's important to remember that no matter how long we've been a Christian, we're no better than the person standing next to us. Maybe you've been a Christian for a long time and you have all the 'Christianese' down.  Maybe you think you have answers for everyone because of your vast number of years as a Christian. Well, I encourage us all to remember that God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason.  And, age doesn't always mean that wisdom is present in the words that we speak.  We need to think before we speak.

Being a good listener takes patience.  I'll also throw out this reminder that I've heard Joyce Meyer say many, many times: 'You're not Holy Ghost, Jr.'  Haha ... that still makes me laugh, even though there is an abundance of truth to that statement.

Look, we're all flawed people. “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”  Romans 3:23 Of course we’re here to help others.  But, I also believe that we need to be good listeners.  If we’re always concerned about what our response is going to be, we are not truly listening to what the other person is saying.

In this instance, I believe this young woman needed to tell her story to someone.  As I listened, I found out that she is a mother to six children in a blended family, the youngest being less than a year old.  Her husband is in Afghanistan and she is here handling this rather large family nearly on her own.  She needed to get a few things off of her chest.  And, towards the end of the nearly two hour chat we had, she actually asked me my opinion on a couple of things.  Now, had I injected my opinions on her while she was “venting”…telling her story, I’m not so sure that she would have even wanted my opinion, let alone asked for it.

A couple of days after this, I found myself at a church service on a Saturday night where I had attended several years ago.  I don’t attend church there now, but felt drawn there by the Holy Spirit.  As I walked in, I had decided to sit completely in the back simply because I truly wanted to be by myself in the Lord’s presence.  I said, “Lord, please don’t let me see anyone that I know…but, not my will, but, Yours.”  I sat down on the very last row of a section.  This sanctuary holds between 1800-2000 people and was filling up.  There had been a young couple with a baby sitting a few chairs down from me.  During the beginning of the worship, they left.  A few moments later a man walked in and sat down in their place.  I looked over and I knew exactly who this person was.  He is someone that I have met at the Starbucks where I go to write my book.  He and his wife have been praying for me since I left to go to California.  This was not a coincidence.  I got his attention and waved.  He smiled.

After the church service was over, he asked if I was back from California for good.  I explained my situation to him.  In this instance, he was the one doing the listening and I was the one doing most of the talking…even though it was only for a few minutes.  He said that he and his wife had been praying for me and that I had come across his thoughts many times over the past few months.  Now he understood why.

You see, I feel “safe” being transparent with this person.  And, that’s the type of person I want to be with others.  I believe this is the mark of a mature Christian.  It’s not our job to go around “fixing” others.  It’s our job to love others, which may include words of wisdom.  But, I believe that more often than not, we need to simply listen to others without an agenda of any type.

For myself, I process when I share situations with others.  And, through that processing, I usually find the answers that I need for myself without the unwanted or unneeded input and/or interruption from others.  Now, let me just say that I certainly am open to hear what others have to say.  I’m not closed off to healthy dialogue.  What I am saying is that many have an agenda to “fix” others and that’s what is a definite turnoff.

Learn to listen to what others are saying.  Like I said before, it takes patience.  But, I believe it will pay of for our relationships in the long run.

Think before you speak because it’s not all about you.  Being a good listener to someone who is speaking is serving them well.  We are all called to be servants to others.  Let’s serve well.