Listen Well

I sat in Starbucks today ... I thought I was going to do some writing. But, after a few minutes, a young woman sat down next to me. She was dressed in gym clothes so I asked her where she works out. She began talking and 90 or so minutes later, I felt like I now know most of her life's story.

I didn't do a lot of talking in this conversation ... and I'm ok with that.  Because of the outcome, which includes her making a note of where I go to church so that she and her family might visit, I'm reminded of the importance of simply listening.

For several years now, I've expressed, many times, about the importance of listening to others and not just slinging out our opinions. This isn't new thinking for me.  And, now that I'm in the midst of another challenging time in my life, I'm even more aware of how much listening and not speaking is needed.

Although I'm sure people don't intend to hurt with their words, I believe they're very much unaware of just how much they do just that by speaking when they really just need to listen.

It's important to remember that no matter how long we've been a Christian, we're no better than the person standing next to us. Maybe you've been a Christian for a long time and you have all the 'Christianese' down.  Maybe you think you have answers for everyone because of your vast number of years as a Christian. Well, I encourage us all to remember that God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason.  And, age doesn't always mean that wisdom is present in the words that we speak.  We need to think before we speak.

Being a good listener takes patience.  I'll also throw out this reminder that I've heard Joyce Meyer say many, many times: 'You're not Holy Ghost, Jr.'  Haha ... that still makes me laugh, even though there is an abundance of truth to that statement.

Look, we're all flawed people. “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”  Romans 3:23 Of course we’re here to help others.  But, I also believe that we need to be good listeners.  If we’re always concerned about what our response is going to be, we are not truly listening to what the other person is saying.

In this instance, I believe this young woman needed to tell her story to someone.  As I listened, I found out that she is a mother to six children in a blended family, the youngest being less than a year old.  Her husband is in Afghanistan and she is here handling this rather large family nearly on her own.  She needed to get a few things off of her chest.  And, towards the end of the nearly two hour chat we had, she actually asked me my opinion on a couple of things.  Now, had I injected my opinions on her while she was “venting”…telling her story, I’m not so sure that she would have even wanted my opinion, let alone asked for it.

A couple of days after this, I found myself at a church service on a Saturday night where I had attended several years ago.  I don’t attend church there now, but felt drawn there by the Holy Spirit.  As I walked in, I had decided to sit completely in the back simply because I truly wanted to be by myself in the Lord’s presence.  I said, “Lord, please don’t let me see anyone that I know…but, not my will, but, Yours.”  I sat down on the very last row of a section.  This sanctuary holds between 1800-2000 people and was filling up.  There had been a young couple with a baby sitting a few chairs down from me.  During the beginning of the worship, they left.  A few moments later a man walked in and sat down in their place.  I looked over and I knew exactly who this person was.  He is someone that I have met at the Starbucks where I go to write my book.  He and his wife have been praying for me since I left to go to California.  This was not a coincidence.  I got his attention and waved.  He smiled.

After the church service was over, he asked if I was back from California for good.  I explained my situation to him.  In this instance, he was the one doing the listening and I was the one doing most of the talking…even though it was only for a few minutes.  He said that he and his wife had been praying for me and that I had come across his thoughts many times over the past few months.  Now he understood why.

You see, I feel “safe” being transparent with this person.  And, that’s the type of person I want to be with others.  I believe this is the mark of a mature Christian.  It’s not our job to go around “fixing” others.  It’s our job to love others, which may include words of wisdom.  But, I believe that more often than not, we need to simply listen to others without an agenda of any type.

For myself, I process when I share situations with others.  And, through that processing, I usually find the answers that I need for myself without the unwanted or unneeded input and/or interruption from others.  Now, let me just say that I certainly am open to hear what others have to say.  I’m not closed off to healthy dialogue.  What I am saying is that many have an agenda to “fix” others and that’s what is a definite turnoff.

Learn to listen to what others are saying.  Like I said before, it takes patience.  But, I believe it will pay of for our relationships in the long run.

Think before you speak because it’s not all about you.  Being a good listener to someone who is speaking is serving them well.  We are all called to be servants to others.  Let’s serve well.

Coffee and Conversations...

For years now, coffee shops have been my favorite hang outs.  In all honesty, when my son was in elementary school, the Lord was healing me from many different hurts from my childhood.  Life was very challenging, to say the least.  I had literally cut myself off from the outside world…with the exception of the barista at the local coffee shop.  On my way to pick up my son from school, I would stop and get a latte everyday. The small talk between the barista and me would sometimes, most times, be the only conversation I would have outside of my family for quite some time.  Over the next 10+ years, the Lord would not only heal me of most of the hurts from my childhood, but He has turned my coffee visits into a coffee shop ministry of sorts.

 

A little more than a year ago, the Lord led me to a person at Starbucks who was / is a daily customer, but who also seemed to be somewhat lonely.  I gave her a simple Christmas gift and invited her to Christmas dinner.  She happily accepted the gift, but turned me down on the invite for dinner, which I fully expected.

 

Over the next several months, I continued to get to know this person and develop a relationship with her.  From time to time, I would invite her to movies or offer her help, but would continue to get turned down.  Being turned down didn’t bother me.  I knew that, one day, things would change.

 

I continued to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit by inviting more people to have coffee with us.  On a typical Thursday at 3 at my local Starbucks, we now have 6 people in our “little” group and sometimes as many as 8. Where the Lord is honored, He draws people unto Himself. See John 12:32

Anyway, the time has seemed to go by quickly and the trust in our friendship has grown immensely.  Because I value her and her privacy, I won’t share details of how I have been led to help her…or how she’s helped me.  The details are not the point.  The relationship is the point. 


God draws us unto Himself, not because He needs us, but because He wants a relationship with us.  We are to imitate Him in our relationships. See Ephesians 5:1 They should be meaningful relationships, not shallow or superficial relationships where we only have something to do with others because of what they can do for us.  Unfortunately, that’s how many relationships are in today’s quickly paced world.  I have never been accused of that type of relationship.  In fact, I have actually been “accused” of putting “too much” into my friendships.  At the time, I couldn’t fully grasp the gravity of what was said to me.  Years later, I can see that there’s nothing wrong with the effort I put into my relationships.  They are meaningful and sincere.


I have come to care deeply for the “Starbucks lady” and I know she cares for me as well.  It’s all about relationships…true, meaningful relationships.  This lady needed someone to reach out to her and God saw me as someone who was able to fit that bill.  I don’t pat myself on the back for this at all.  But rather, I know that any good that I do in my life is because I am led by the Lord to do so.  The only good in me comes from Him and I choose not to pool up praise for myself, but, to pass the praise, glory and honor on to Him.


So, the point of this story is to be led by the Spirit of the true living God.  Allow Him to work through you.  God draws people unto Himself and He can use willing vessels to do just that.  It doesn’t mean that we go around spouting off scripture telling the world to repent or else they’re going to hell, even though there may be a time when we do need to do that.  We need to be trusted by others, not judgmental of others.  We need to invest our precious time in others.  And yes, from time to time, you may need to quote a scripture or two…or three.  It’s about being Jesus to others, not necessarily inviting them to church, although, He may have you do that, as well.  It’s about being the Church…not necessarily being present in a building.


So often, we are told to “bring others to church.” What I have found with many who don’t attend church regularly, is that so many have been hurt by the church that they’re no longer interested in attending.  #truth  They don’t realize that the hurt that was caused isn’t from God.  The hurt is caused by, usually and hopefully, well meaning people who actually didn’t mean to hurt them, but, more than likely never apologized, either.  God doesn’t forget about one single person on this earth.  He loves us all and wants that none of us should perish.  See 2 Peter 3:9


I urge you to look around yourself as you’re out and about in your everyday life.  Ask God to lead you to someone.  Realize that it may take time and effort on your part to develop a friendship.  Be patient as God is so very patient with us.  Pray for salvation for people.  Prayer is important.  It’s much more important than shoving the gospel down someone’s throat or a tract in their hand and walking away…which has happened to me.  I didn’t like it…and…that’s not how God works.  J  That usually does more harm than good.  Sometimes it’s about planting seeds.  Sometimes it’s about watering seeds that someone else has planted.  God knows the time and the place each person, who is willing, will come to Him.  It’s not us who saves, but God, Himself.  Let Him do the hard work.  He’s much more capable than we are.  J