Worst ... and the best!

August 12th, 2019 marked three years since I left to head to California for an internship at a church there. At the time when I left, my husband and I were on the same page … at least so I thought. When we were praying about this, the Lord gave me one word … “reset.” I believed that God was using this to reset our marriage, which was in definite need, even though we were on good terms when I left. This internship was a “miracle” for me … at least so I thought. Almost immediately, I realized that the internship was a flop, but both my husband and I heard from the Lord that I was to stay in California. The Lord told me that I would be as certain of the time to return as I was to go there. So, I stayed, in faith. I assure you, this was very difficult for me. God was stretching me like I had never been stretched before. The good from my six months in California is that I did hear the Lord to stay, and I had a wonderful opportunity to be a Christian witness to female refugees from Afghanistan. It was a wonderful experience that I still support and look back on as a win, win situation. The bad news that came was when I knew it was time to return to Arkansas. It didn’t happen at all the way I expected. My husband called me to tell me he was divorcing me. He had led me to believe that he was coming out west for a vacation. I was planning a vacation … he was planning a divorce. 

Well, I said it had been three years. A lot has happened in these three years. In all honesty, they have been the worst three years of my life … the worst … but yet, in some ways, the best. (Some days that’s difficult to say!)

You see a little over 25 years ago, I had packed my bags for myself and my baby son. I was going to leave my husband. I couldn’t take it any longer. He has what we now know to be Narcissistic Personality Disorder … among other things. Things were bad. I was not only a young mother, but a young Christian. I had everything packed in the car that I was planning on taking and headed back into the house to get my son to leave for good. On my walk inside to get my son I heard the Holy Spirit simply tell me to “stay.” I didn’t doubt at all what I heard. I chose obedience, unpacked the car, and stayed. It was years later before my husband ever knew that I had planned on leaving him.

The next nearly three decades were very difficult. It’s challenging for me to find good things throughout that time. It was like walking on eggshells every single day.

A few months before our son was born, the Lord impressed upon me to stay home with him … something that I had not planned on doing. I had a decent office job and had been offered a buyer’s position at a retailer upon my return to work. I turned down the job. I chose obedience. God used this time to stretch me. He showed me how to trust Him for finances now that we were a young family on one income. He showed me how to rely on Him to be a good wife and mom. And, He took this time to heal me from a challenging childhood. When my son was born, I was a baby Christian. I was insecure and had no self worth. I had been controlled by family members and then by a husband. God used this time to break those chains off of me and gave me a sense of self worth. He taught me who I am in Him … a child of the Most High God.

I can tell you those years were challenging … actually, more than challenging! Imperfectly, because no one is perfect, I did the best that I could. My husband travelled A LOT, so I pretty much raised our son by myself in his younger years. But, when he was in junior high my husband was home more. At that time I knew that the marriage was going down hill and pleaded with him for our relationship … to no avail. Please know that I don’t say these things with any harshness. I say it because it is simply the truth. (I will get to a point later in this blog.) And, numerous times over those many years, I would silently plead with God to let me go. Again, the answer was for me to stay. Since God told me to stay, I totally believed that He was going to heal and restore our marriage … completely. I say that with all sincerity! That never happened and it never will. Instead, things just kept getting worse and worse, especially after our son graduated from high school. What I was fighting against all those years ago when my son was in junior high totally unfolded before my eyes over the next several years.

So three years ago, due to the leading of the Lord, I went to California. My husband called and said he was divorcing me. At the end of that phone call, God gave me the sign that ensured that it was time to go back to Arkansas. The divorce happened very quickly! But, I knew that God had ordained this. NO … God hates divorce, don’t get me wrong. (Malachi 2:16) This is why He had me stay for so long. God DID want to restore our marriage, but it takes two dedicated people. The divorce didn’t come from me. It came from my now ex-husband. And, it has been one of those terrible divorces that you hear about or see in a TV program on the Lifetime network. I assure you the last three years have been the worst of my life. I have endured things that I never could have dreamed up. (1 Corinthians 7:15)

I say all of this to tell you that even though they have been the worst years ever … at the same time … in some miraculous ways … they have been the best. 

Choosing to be a stay at home wife/mom all those years ago, left me with little to no paid work experience, but that has been God’s plan all along. You see, I’ve been working forward to ministry … advancing God’s Kingdom … which is why this road has been so challenging. God has used this time to stretch my trust, my faith, and my belief in Him. He has taken me from one experience to another over the past several years by the leading of the Holy Spirit. This has not been easy. It’s been far from a “walk in the park.” 

But God … 

His ways are not like our ways. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

I have been divorced for a little over two years now, but am still not totally free from all ties with my ex-husband. When I left California, I was in a situation where I was going to be put out with little to nothing as quickly as possible. I had no idea what I was going to do. But you see, God wasn’t surprised by any of this … not at all. He already had a plan and I assure you it has not gone anything like I thought it would. (Jeremiah 29:11)  What and how the enemy was trying to do me in has not and will not come to pass! (Isaiah 54:17) God has kept me in the house that my ex-husband and I own together for the past two and and a half years without any money out of my pocket … zero, nada! God has also seen to it that I have money to live on … not a lot, but all my needs are met. He has exceeded my dreams so far by allowing me not one, but two trips to Australia for worship conferences there … everything totally paid, 100%! He has increased my profit from the selling of this house … no matter what it sells for! He has taken care of the severe carpal tunnel syndrome that I had in both hands for many, many years with surgery a year ago. Most importantly, he is healing the trauma of the past three decades. I could go on and on. (Philippians 4:19) I am totally bragging on God because He deserves it! 

Now, I’d like to tell you that I have sailed through this with perfect faith, trust, and belief in God … but, I’d be lying to you if I did. I can tell you that there have been plenty of days that I thought I would “throw in the towel” for ministry just to get some of the pressure off. But, deep down, I knew that I would be making a tremendous mistake if I did. In fact, I have struggled with trusting God at times. I have struggled with faith at times in knowing that all things will work out for the good for those who love God. (Romans 8:28) I have said, “God, I believe you, but help my unbelief,” very, very often. (Mark 9:24) This has not been an easy road and I will not play it down and pretend that it has been. I’m not perfect. And, don’t believe anyone who leads you to believe that they are, either! 

Deep down, I know that God did not have me go through three decades of troubling times (in marriage alone, not including my childhood) just to lead me to more troubling times. God will not do that. It’s not in His character. (Numbers 23:19) I may have struggled through the past three plus years in this stretching and growing process, but God sees my heart. (1 Samuel 16:7) That first year that I stayed home with my son, I laid myself prostrate on the floor and told God that I was a woman after His heart. (1 Samuel 13:14) And, I still do that from time to time … to remind myself. God believed me and is holding me to it … hallelujah!

So yes … these have been the worst three years of my life. But … they have been the best in a lot of ways. God has, even long before the divorce, given me glimpses of the future. He has given me glimpses of the future during these three years. He will not lead me astray, let me down, leave me, or forsake me … or you! (Proverbs 3:5-6, Deuteronomy 31:6)

It is so exciting to know that life is going to be different soon. Troubles or trying times will never go away completely as long as we’re this side of Heaven. (John 16:33) But, I know that I know that it is going to be good … soon.

Worst … and the best.   

Ninety-nine or one?

One came for you when you were lost. Are you seeking the one who is now where you once were?

Jesus came for us.  He sought us when we were wandering and lost.  We are to mirror what Jesus does.  Don’t hesitate to help someone simply because you “feel” uncomfortable, incapable or unqualified.  Those very reasons are exactly why God can work through us the best.  Isn’t it 2 Corinthians 12:9-11 that declares that when we are weak, God is strong in and through us?  “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.  2 Corinthians 12:9-11

So, how is it that most of us help lead others to the Lord?  I’m sure we all do things here and there to personally speak to others to show the love of God. But, to me, and maybe I’m wrong here … it seems entirely too much like it just easy for us to give money and believe that our job is done.  Now, please understand that I’m not trying to discourage us from giving.  No, that’s not the point of this. Don’t stop giving.  But, what I am attempting to do is to get us to look at things in a different light.  My question here is:  Are we giving only and not stretching ourselves in other ways … like going to the “one” in our world who is lost?  Is it easier for us to give money because we don’t have time to “go after the one?”  Maybe, just maybe, we’re so busy “making money” that we don’t actually make time to stretch ourselves to be more like Jesus … choosing to go after the one.

Who in your world crosses your path on a regular basis and you choose to not reach out or show them the love of Christ because of inconvenience, lack of time, or feeling unqualified?

I believe in our world where the popular saying is “time is money,” we have given too much power to that belief.  Is it money that matters the most?  Is it time that matters the most?  Or … is it people who matter the most?

What if that person we neglected to speak to or pray for died only moments after we decided that we didn’t have time … or we were uncomfortable about it?  I don’t say this to condemn or shame us in any way!  I say it to open our eyes to view things from another angle … a wider, broader angle … attempting, in our humanness, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to see what God sees … instead of our narrow, limited, humanistic vision.

In Luke 10:25-37, Jesus tells a parable about the Good Samaritan. He said there was a man who had been physically attacked, robbed and left on the side of the road for dead.  Now, after this had happened, a priest and and Levite passed by the injured man.  These two religious people were so busy about their “religious busy-ness” that they chose not to show love to this injured man on the side of the road.  Later, a Samaritan passed by.  He not only stopped to help the man, but he paid a local innkeeper to take care of man … because, like every one else he was busy also.  The difference is love.  The Samaritan man stretched himself in this situation and he showed love.

Now, in that day, Samaritans were not looked upon kindly by the Jews.  They avoided one another.  Oh, I just love how Jesus used the example of a Samaritan doing the right thing when the religious leaders of His own ethnicity chose to walk away.  Jesus not only gave us an example of how to treat others here, but He also showed us that salvation is also for the gentiles.  And, he used a Samaritan man to stir the people up … to make them think.  Jesus had a wonderful way of illustrating with words so that we all can learn how to be more like him.  

Symbolically (hopefully, not physically), have you ever been in the same position of the injured man?  I have.  And, I have, many times, experienced the busy-ness of the first two examples.  Often, my thoughts have been … “just go to church because you don’t have the time for me.” I remember I said it out loud one time and the look I got was incredible.  I then explained that these people were too busy with “church” that they refused to take time out to help.  I wasn’t asking for money or handouts.  I was looking to connect with another human being.  I needed help in dealing with a very challenging situation in my life.  I received no help whatsoever.

I have to tell you.  I didn’t let those experiences stop me from God’s will for my life.  Those people chose not to help.  But, I didn’t choose to stop pursuing God because of those people.  Don’t let that happen to you in your walk.  I see so many people  who look to imperfect humans to find God.  Yes, God works through human beings and we are able to see that.  But, we are imperfect humans.  We are not God.  Only God is God.  Don’t forget that.  And, because of these things that I have experienced, I have made the decision to pursue being the third man in the parable.  I don’t want to be the busy religious men who are lacking love. 1 Corinthians 13:1-13  I want to be like Jesus, who leaves the ninety-nine.

With all of that said, I want to be the one who goes after the missing or hurting one in my world.  I know what it feels like to be “left on the side of the road, hurting.”  Now that I’m upright, healed, and walking, I want to be the one who seeks out the lost and hurting.  

Are you leaving the ninety-nine to seek the lost and hurting one? Or are you simply busy entertaining the ninety-nine?  There is a difference.  Matthew 18:12, Luke 15:4

At the beginning of this piece, I stated that many people choose to not reach out because they feel uncomfortable, incapable, or unqualified.  I’d like to address this a bit further.  We live in a world of Master’s degrees and PhD’s.  If we don’t have the proper “education,” we “cannot get a good job.”  Well, okay.  That seems to be where our world is right now … and … there’s nothing wrong with education … nothing at all.  But, again, I’d like to broaden our perspective.  For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. I Corinthians 3:19  If we are followers of Christ and we believe that He is who He says He is, don’t we know the One who knows literally everything?  I mean,  I don’t need a Master’s degree or a PhD to know and believe that.  Not only do I have direct access to God Almighty, I have an intimate relationship with Him!  James 1:5 tells me that If I lack wisdom, all I have to do is ask for it.  Our world is so hung up on education that many are missing the simplicity of who God is.  He is everything … which is so much more than any degree. (again, I’m not against education). If we feel uncomfortable about helping someone, we only need to ask Him to help us through a situation.  If we feel or are incapable of something we only need to ask Him for help.  If we feel unqualified, again, we need only ask.  “If a son asks for bread from any father among you, will he give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent instead of a fish?  Or if he asks for an egg, will he offer him a scorpion?  If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?” Luke 11:11-13. 

May I suggest that in many, many ways, we have become so educated that we have fallen into the trap that we believe that we have things figured out instead of fully relying on God?  I really do believe that many within the church believe that all that’s needed for a “successful church” is simply a good formula.  I literally had someone speak that to me within the past several weeks.  No … no … the only formula there is, is more prayer to our Heavenly Father.  And, I don’t need an education to know that prayer is the answer. 

Our nation claims to be a Christian nation.  I do believe that we are and that it was founded on Christian beliefs.  Otherwise, we wouldn’t be as blessed with all that we have been and been able to be a blessing to so many others.  But, I believe we are in that phase where the generations have become spoiled and perhaps a bit ungrateful for the prayer and hard work that has brought us to this point.  I believe many of us are coasting on the prayers, reliance on God, and hard work of generations long before us.

We need to change our perspective.

Perhaps that will take place from our knees … in prayer.

Don’t stop giving.  In fact, Lord willing, I encourage you to give more!  Step out of that box you’ve allowed yourself to be contained in.  Reach out to the “stranger” that you, in the past, have chosen not to reach out to for whatever reason. Allow God to be your strength and your wisdom.  Pray Luke 12:12 over your situations.  The Holy Spirit will give you what you need to say in the moment that you need it.  Allow God to work through you.  Let Him do things His way.  Remember, we don’t have all the answers, but, we know the One who does.  It’s not our job to save people.  Jesus already took care of that. It’s our job to make ourselves available.  More than likely, we won’t be perfect when we take these steps.  That’s ok, learn from the mistakes.  That’s how we grow.

So, in this new year, I encourage you to be courageous and go after the “one” wandering astray in your world.  And remember, One came for you, gave His life, and went the distance for you when you were the one who was wandering astray!

Make it an excellent 2018!  God bless!