Fear Not ...

I believe we can all agree that we are living in unprecedented times riddled by fear … if we allow it.  As I watch the world around me, the root of what I see is fear. We are in a battle. This is a spiritual battle, and I’m not sure that many people see that or even understand it. Yes, there are those who do understand it, but it’s my belief that many do not. God’s word tells us that our struggle is not  against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, and the authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12 Jesus said, “The enemy comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy. I have come that you may have life and have an abundant life.” John 10:10 For myself, I don’t doubt any of this. Have I been challenged in this? Yes, but I have chosen to not let fear rule my life.

Over the past many, many years, I lived in a situation where fear was cast on me constantly. I’m very happy to say that God was, has been, and will continue to be faithful to keep me safe in spite of this fear that had been perpetrated on me. What I have learned is invaluable.

God is our only hope … period!

When I first heard about this virus back in November of 2019, no fear came … only strength from God and His word, Psalm 91. I’ve been standing on this Psalm since long before this virus reared it’s ugly head. The strength that God has supplied for this battle has been unwavering.

Over the past several years, well actually decades, I’ve chosen God’s path for my life, no matter how challenging it has been. And, it has been very challenging. What I have found interesting is that many, many people in the churches that I have attended, attempted to walk with and have fellowship with have chosen to judge me, for whatever their reasons, as not walking with God … because of the hardships I have endured.  ?? Yes, it’s true … and nowhere in the Bible does it say that being a Christian will be an easy, carefree life! I have cried out to God for a true “home church” where I can truly call it my family, but that has yet to happen.(I’m not the only one in this situation, either.) I have found that although I can attend, worship God, even feel God’s presence, and hear a word that I can align with the Word of God and my life, that, even still, there is something missing. I believe it’s the true movement and acceptance of God’s Holy Spirit fully leading and guiding us. Now, please understand that I’m not saying this of 100% of the people I have come in contact with. That would be a foolish statement. But, what I am saying is that the here in the U.S., or even the western church, we are missing out on the fullness of God … I believe, due to unbelief. If, in a casual conversation with Christians, I mention something about how the Lord spoke to me or how the Holy Spirit led me, I am often met with silence and a change of the subject. Is this how the disciples of Jesus lived? No, I don’t believe it is. They praised God and thanked Him for His goodness.

Many of you know that the past 4+ years of my life have been ultra challenging. There are so many things that it would take too long to share them all. In the past three years, God enabled me to travel to Australia two times for a worship gathering each time. In my first visit, I asked God to allow me to return to live there for a year after my house sold. His answer to me was that whatever I chose would be ok. At the time I didn’t understand that, but add three years to that statement and it all makes sense. At the time, I didn’t realize that it would take more than two years for my house to sell.(but, God did) In that time, God allowed me to have that “move” as a goal to work toward while He worked out one miracle after another in my life to benefit and repay me for the years of fear that had been perpetrated on me. (Job 42:10) God didn’t have to do this. But, because He is so good, He did do it for me. Now, several months before my house did sell, God spoke to me and gently led me away from making the move to Australia. That door closed. And, He didn’t slam the door. He did it in a very loving and gentle way. So, with that preface, I’ll get to the past year of my life. Just shy of a year ago, my house did sell. Although God spoke to me one place (temporary) that I believed I would reside after the sale, I still had no clue as to where I would live. I am a single woman in my 50’s who had been a stay at home mom/wife for the better part of 27 years. I had given my time to writing Christian blogs, a Christian book, learning graphic arts for His glory, volunteering at numerous places, including devoting time to singing/playing the guitar for worship services. This is an accumulation of more hours than I could ever count … all without any pay … in the worldly realm. I might add that I didn’t expect pay. I’m merely pointing out that my time has been devoted to serving God and not earning a paycheck. Trust me, this was a fearful moment. The enemy wanted to destroy me with fear. What was I to do? Trust God!

Working through God’s plan after the sale of my house was not easy. When I asked Him where I was to go, what I was to do, He told me that I would know when He told me. I assure you that is how it has been for the past year. It has been a pretty intense lesson in following the Holy Spirit.  I have prayed and trusted Him to open doors that man cannot shut and close doors that man cannot open … and praise Him for both. (Jeremiah 22:22) In this time, God crossed my paths with a handful of people that have been key to sharpening my skills in discernment and trusting Him … and not because they were true follower of Christ, but rather because they claimed to be, but were not. They were very stealthy about it also. That is how the enemy works. Not everyone who says they are a Christian is a Christian, which I have known for decades. But, God chose this time to allow me to experience this in real time, living it out.

I have experienced those who say they are Christians, but do not believe what the word of God says (new age, cult beliefs) along with those who live their lives like the two religious people who walked by the man in the ditch who desperately needed help and it ended up being the Good Samaritan who helped him … not the “religious” people. (Luke 10:25-37) These things that have happened in my life have served to continue to strengthen my trust, faith, discernment, and following the leading in and of the Lord. But, at the same time, He has shown me the error that the church has been making for years. This is not something new that I’m speaking of. I’ve been saying it for years. If the church was doing what God wanted … fully … this country would not be in the predicament that it’s in right now. “The church in America is five miles wide and an inch deep.” ~ unknown   Unfortunately, this is, for the most part, true. Otherwise, we would not see people, the church included, dealing in fear due to the things we are seeing happen in our nation right now.

Fear has gripped this nation.

Philippians 4:19 says, “My God shall supply all my your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” This scripture covers all things in our lives … all things. “Dear friend, I pray that you will prosper in all things and be in health as your should prospers.” 3 John 1:2 You see, God wants us to prosper in all things and be in good health as our soul prospers. He says that He will supply all our needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. The question is; are we living our lives that way? Are we trusting God to take out of us what He doesn’t want in us, effectively making us more like Jesus? Are we trusting Him to supply our needs … or are we taking control or supplying our “needs?” What I’m asking here is, are we truly allowing God to have full reign in our lives? I believe there are folks who do. But for the most part, I believe what Jesus told John in Revelation about the lukewarm church. “Because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I am going to vomit you out of my mouth. For you say, ‘I’m rich; I have become wealthy and need nothing,’ and you don’t realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked.” Revelation 3 So many in the church believe that all is well. So many are so busy that they act like the “religious” in the parable of the good Samaritan, simply walking by leaving the man without any help. In the past year, I have personally experienced being the one who was passed by … by Christians who attend church every week. They don’t realize that there is more to do than just attend a church service. Even many of the literal churches during this trying time are trying to figure out how to fund themselves because the government has closed them down. What about Philippians 4:19? Doesn’t God’s word say that He supplies all of our needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus? Doesn’t God say that that He wants us to prosper in all ways … as our soul prospers? Are our souls prospering?

It’s time for the Church, the Body of Christ, to stand up and be what God created us to be. That means we must get real about who God is and who we are in Him. We can no longer “play church.” We can no longer allow the fear of crossing the government interfere with our freedom to worship God in this nation. What will it take for us to realize this? Do things need to get worse than they already are or is this enough? In Revelation, Jesus spoke about seven different churches. Only two of the seven churches were fully doing what Jesus wanted them to do … only two. I don’t know about you, but I don’t care how challenging it is, I want to be included in the church that Jesus finds acceptable … not just in a church that goes along with the flow.

Fear has no place in our lives. Fear is not from God. Fear is from the enemy.

We are blessed in the United States to have freedom of religion as given to us by the 1st Amendment of the Constitution. We need to use it … or we’re going to lose it! “Fear not” is in the Bible 365 times. We need to repent, take up our cross, and live the lives that God created for us. We need to choose to be who He created us to be, in Jesus’ might name! (Matthew 16:24-26) Fear is not a part of that plan.

Fear not!      

Know who you are in Christ.

Know who you are in Christ.

In the past few days I've had one tire on my car that was losing just enough air to cause the "low tire" sensor to alert me of it.  Today, I went to a mechanic/tire place to take care of it. (I forgot that I had road hazard coverage from where I purchased the tires until later)

Anyway, I've known this mechanic for nearly twenty years. Over all of those years, we've become friends, chatting when my family and I had issues with any of our vehicles. I have friends and chat at any/every place I frequent.

Over a nearly twenty year time span, I've seen this mechanic a total of two to three times outside of his business. When I spoke to him today, he had some interesting things to say. Of course, like most people, he didn't know that God had changed my plans for going to Australia and he thought that I had moved away, so he was surprised to see I was still in town.  All of that to say that apparently I have been the center of a scandal over the past several months or so and didn't even know it. LOL! This man has recently divorced his wife and because he had apparently been spotted talking to me outside of his mechanics shop where our paths had crossed about a year ago, I had been touted as "being the the other woman," so to speak. LOL Well, I assure you that is nothing that I would do … Lord willing … or unwilling.  LOL  The most interesting thing to me is how people let their minds run amok and then spread lies and gossip.

I tell you, I was not and am not moved by this "scandal." I know who I am in Christ. I choose to have morals and integrity. Apparently, these folks (people whom I don't even know) wanted to ruin my reputation. Well, I say ... say/do what you will. Who am I?  No one in this community except the righteousness of God in Christ like all of my fellow Christians, I assure you that! What has been said cannot hurt me. Again, I know who I am in Christ.

The only people who are hurt by this situation are those who have chosen to spread lies. If these folks knew who they were in Christ, this, most likely would not happen.

I'm not writing about this to defend myself. No way! There's nothing to defend. I'm writing about this because I want to encourage folks to follow Christ and be a good example to an unbelieving world.

Do you know who you are in Christ?

Who would you be in the story ... the innocent mechanic ... the innocent customer ... the gossiper? You see, in our everyday lives, we all have the opportunity to be any of these people in a wide variety of situations. If we know who we are in Christ, we will not be moved, no matter who we are in the story.

Over the past several months, I have been the brunt of gossip by more than the person mentioned previously. (Different situations, different places) I won't go into details. There's no need. But, I will assure you this: Had I not known who I am in Christ, this could have totally rocked my world … but, it didn't and it hasn't. If anything, it saddens me because people choose to do things like this for what could be a variety of reasons. There's no room for that in God's Kingdom. But! It! Happens! Every! Day! Do people realize how much they're hurting themselves when they speak falsely about others? I don't believe they do, otherwise, they wouldn't choose this path.

Folks, it's time to raise the bar! If you consider yourself a follower of Christ, check your heart before you decide to spread untruths/gossip about someone. God's word says that we are to believe the best about others. (See 1Corinthians13:7-13) And, by raising the bar we must know who we are in Christ. When people do come against us … and it’s no surprise by the state of our world … that people will come against us, in ways beyond simply verbally attacking us. (There are many in this world giving their lives for simply being a follower of Christ. This is nothing in comparison!)

Get with God. Learn to trust Him in every way. Learn to live your life by the leading of the Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit will not lead you in the wrong way … ever! “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD, your God goes with you, He will never leave you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 Truth is, the road Holy Spirit leads you on may not be an easy route, but God’s grace is sufficient. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”… 2 Corinthians 12:9

Nothing … nothing … not even the innocent conversation I had that someone else witnessed and decided to call a scandal was by chance or random. They key is to know that God allowed it, has purpose for it, and will use it for His good. (Romans 8:28)

Do you know who you are in Christ? 

Like Vinegar Poured on Soda

‘God’s timing is perfect.’ (Habakkuk 2:3) ‘Everything happens for a reason.’ (Ecclesiastes 3:1-15) ‘God will never give you more than you can handle.’ (1 Corinthians 10:13)  Have you ever heard these ‘one-liners' spoken to you when you’re in a time of pain or turmoil? If you have, you know that it’s not helpful to the situation and it sure doesn’t feel good.

“Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda is one who sings songs to the heavy hearted.” Proverbs 25:20. Anyone who has ever mixed vinegar and soda … or had a child who wanted to simulate a volcanic eruption, knows what the outcome is when you mix the two. What about giving up a jacket or coat when it’s cold? When you’re already cold, the loss of that garment only makes the cold worse. This proverb from the Bible is telling us that being upbeat and joyful when someone’s heart is heavy only makes it worse for them.

In John, Mary and Martha sent for Jesus when Lazarus, their brother, was sick and dying. Jesus got word of this, but then delayed for two days before he went to Bethany where they were. Lazarus had already died by the time He arrived. The family and friends of Lazarus were saddened and mourning at his death. The Bible then tells us that Jesus wept. Jesus met those who loved Lazarus where they were … in the moment.

Before Lazarus had died, Jesus said, ‘This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s son may be glorified through it.’ John 11:4 So, when Jesus said this, He already knew what was going to take place. He knew that He would tarry where He was and that Lazarus would be dead and in the grave when He arrived in Bethany. He also knew that He was going to resurrect Lazarus from the dead … yet … Jesus wept. Jesus could have shown up and ripped off a few one liners telling the family and friends of Lazarus that all was going to be fine … that God’s timing was perfect, and so on and so on. But, He didn’t. Jesus met the people where they were. He met them where they were. Jesus had compassion on them. He joined them in their sorrow. How cold and crass it would have been for Jesus to be superficial and not relate to the sorrow that Mary, Martha, and the friends of Lazarus were experiencing.

Jesus lived on Earth as God in a fleshly body. He experienced all of the emotions that we experience. Even though He knew He was going to resurrect Lazarus from the dead, He wept with the people. This is an excellent example of how we need to be with others when they are in difficult times whether it is a death of a loved one or any number of difficult things that we may experience in life in this fallen world.

It’s maturity in Christ that allows us to meet people where they are … to mourn with them and maybe even walk with them through trying times. We have to intentionally choose to meet people where they are. In this world where ‘catch phrases’ rule the air waves and social medias, so many in the Body of Christ do the same thing. One liners like the ones I mentioned before may be true or partially true, but, if spoken at the wrong time it actually may make it worse for the one on the receiving end.

Myself, I have gone through many very difficult times in the past several years. I assure you, I have been on the receiving end of some of these one liners and, just simply put, ill timed words. Maybe it’s because those who spoke didn’t understand what I was going through … very possibly. Maybe it’s because they didn’t care … again, a possibility. But, maybe their depth as a follower of Christ is superficial. Who knows? There are a number of reasons why these words were spoken to me. I assure you that as I write this, I can see the faces of those who unintentionally added to my pain. Of course I have forgiven them, but I have not forgotten these situations. I want to learn from them so that I don’t make the same mistakes. I want to be transparent and share with others so as to help those of us who are followers of Christ to grow the Body of Christ. It’s all about Jesus. 

It’s all about Jesus.

We all go through difficult times in this life. We will all have difficult seasons. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8) Jesus didn’t say if we have tribulations. He said, ‘… In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 So, it’s a matter of time until we enter a season of troubles/tribulation. I know I don’t want to be the person who causes more pain to another. I want to meet people where they are … believers and especially unbelievers.

I encourage you to embrace the example of Jesus with others who are going through trying times even though you may already know that they will make it through a difficulty, in time. Shallow words hurt others just like it describes in the Proverb; ‘Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda is one who sings a song to a heavy heart.’ Myself, I don’t want to be that person. I want to be more like Jesus.

I choose to be more like Jesus.

This may take some thought and prayer on our part. Holy Spirit is always here to help us. ‘Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groaning that cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.’ Romans 8:26-27 Another scripture I rely on is Luke 12:12 ‘The Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say.” When I have relied on this scripture, I assure you, God has never failed me in the words that come out of my mouth. Choose to be more like Jesus. It is a choice to allow Him to grow us to be more like Him.    

Worst ... and the best!

August 12th, 2019 marked three years since I left to head to California for an internship at a church there. At the time when I left, my husband and I were on the same page … at least so I thought. When we were praying about this, the Lord gave me one word … “reset.” I believed that God was using this to reset our marriage, which was in definite need, even though we were on good terms when I left. This internship was a “miracle” for me … at least so I thought. Almost immediately, I realized that the internship was a flop, but both my husband and I heard from the Lord that I was to stay in California. The Lord told me that I would be as certain of the time to return as I was to go there. So, I stayed, in faith. I assure you, this was very difficult for me. God was stretching me like I had never been stretched before. The good from my six months in California is that I did hear the Lord to stay, and I had a wonderful opportunity to be a Christian witness to female refugees from Afghanistan. It was a wonderful experience that I still support and look back on as a win, win situation. The bad news that came was when I knew it was time to return to Arkansas. It didn’t happen at all the way I expected. My husband called me to tell me he was divorcing me. He had led me to believe that he was coming out west for a vacation. I was planning a vacation … he was planning a divorce. 

Well, I said it had been three years. A lot has happened in these three years. In all honesty, they have been the worst three years of my life … the worst … but yet, in some ways, the best. (Some days that’s difficult to say!)

You see a little over 25 years ago, I had packed my bags for myself and my baby son. I was going to leave my husband. I couldn’t take it any longer. He has what we now know to be Narcissistic Personality Disorder … among other things. Things were bad. I was not only a young mother, but a young Christian. I had everything packed in the car that I was planning on taking and headed back into the house to get my son to leave for good. On my walk inside to get my son I heard the Holy Spirit simply tell me to “stay.” I didn’t doubt at all what I heard. I chose obedience, unpacked the car, and stayed. It was years later before my husband ever knew that I had planned on leaving him.

The next nearly three decades were very difficult. It’s challenging for me to find good things throughout that time. It was like walking on eggshells every single day.

A few months before our son was born, the Lord impressed upon me to stay home with him … something that I had not planned on doing. I had a decent office job and had been offered a buyer’s position at a retailer upon my return to work. I turned down the job. I chose obedience. God used this time to stretch me. He showed me how to trust Him for finances now that we were a young family on one income. He showed me how to rely on Him to be a good wife and mom. And, He took this time to heal me from a challenging childhood. When my son was born, I was a baby Christian. I was insecure and had no self worth. I had been controlled by family members and then by a husband. God used this time to break those chains off of me and gave me a sense of self worth. He taught me who I am in Him … a child of the Most High God.

I can tell you those years were challenging … actually, more than challenging! Imperfectly, because no one is perfect, I did the best that I could. My husband travelled A LOT, so I pretty much raised our son by myself in his younger years. But, when he was in junior high my husband was home more. At that time I knew that the marriage was going down hill and pleaded with him for our relationship … to no avail. Please know that I don’t say these things with any harshness. I say it because it is simply the truth. (I will get to a point later in this blog.) And, numerous times over those many years, I would silently plead with God to let me go. Again, the answer was for me to stay. Since God told me to stay, I totally believed that He was going to heal and restore our marriage … completely. I say that with all sincerity! That never happened and it never will. Instead, things just kept getting worse and worse, especially after our son graduated from high school. What I was fighting against all those years ago when my son was in junior high totally unfolded before my eyes over the next several years.

So three years ago, due to the leading of the Lord, I went to California. My husband called and said he was divorcing me. At the end of that phone call, God gave me the sign that ensured that it was time to go back to Arkansas. The divorce happened very quickly! But, I knew that God had ordained this. NO … God hates divorce, don’t get me wrong. (Malachi 2:16) This is why He had me stay for so long. God DID want to restore our marriage, but it takes two dedicated people. The divorce didn’t come from me. It came from my now ex-husband. And, it has been one of those terrible divorces that you hear about or see in a TV program on the Lifetime network. I assure you the last three years have been the worst of my life. I have endured things that I never could have dreamed up. (1 Corinthians 7:15)

I say all of this to tell you that even though they have been the worst years ever … at the same time … in some miraculous ways … they have been the best. 

Choosing to be a stay at home wife/mom all those years ago, left me with little to no paid work experience, but that has been God’s plan all along. You see, I’ve been working forward to ministry … advancing God’s Kingdom … which is why this road has been so challenging. God has used this time to stretch my trust, my faith, and my belief in Him. He has taken me from one experience to another over the past several years by the leading of the Holy Spirit. This has not been easy. It’s been far from a “walk in the park.” 

But God … 

His ways are not like our ways. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

I have been divorced for a little over two years now, but am still not totally free from all ties with my ex-husband. When I left California, I was in a situation where I was going to be put out with little to nothing as quickly as possible. I had no idea what I was going to do. But you see, God wasn’t surprised by any of this … not at all. He already had a plan and I assure you it has not gone anything like I thought it would. (Jeremiah 29:11)  What and how the enemy was trying to do me in has not and will not come to pass! (Isaiah 54:17) God has kept me in the house that my ex-husband and I own together for the past two and and a half years without any money out of my pocket … zero, nada! God has also seen to it that I have money to live on … not a lot, but all my needs are met. He has exceeded my dreams so far by allowing me not one, but two trips to Australia for worship conferences there … everything totally paid, 100%! He has increased my profit from the selling of this house … no matter what it sells for! He has taken care of the severe carpal tunnel syndrome that I had in both hands for many, many years with surgery a year ago. Most importantly, he is healing the trauma of the past three decades. I could go on and on. (Philippians 4:19) I am totally bragging on God because He deserves it! 

Now, I’d like to tell you that I have sailed through this with perfect faith, trust, and belief in God … but, I’d be lying to you if I did. I can tell you that there have been plenty of days that I thought I would “throw in the towel” for ministry just to get some of the pressure off. But, deep down, I knew that I would be making a tremendous mistake if I did. In fact, I have struggled with trusting God at times. I have struggled with faith at times in knowing that all things will work out for the good for those who love God. (Romans 8:28) I have said, “God, I believe you, but help my unbelief,” very, very often. (Mark 9:24) This has not been an easy road and I will not play it down and pretend that it has been. I’m not perfect. And, don’t believe anyone who leads you to believe that they are, either! 

Deep down, I know that God did not have me go through three decades of troubling times (in marriage alone, not including my childhood) just to lead me to more troubling times. God will not do that. It’s not in His character. (Numbers 23:19) I may have struggled through the past three plus years in this stretching and growing process, but God sees my heart. (1 Samuel 16:7) That first year that I stayed home with my son, I laid myself prostrate on the floor and told God that I was a woman after His heart. (1 Samuel 13:14) And, I still do that from time to time … to remind myself. God believed me and is holding me to it … hallelujah!

So yes … these have been the worst three years of my life. But … they have been the best in a lot of ways. God has, even long before the divorce, given me glimpses of the future. He has given me glimpses of the future during these three years. He will not lead me astray, let me down, leave me, or forsake me … or you! (Proverbs 3:5-6, Deuteronomy 31:6)

It is so exciting to know that life is going to be different soon. Troubles or trying times will never go away completely as long as we’re this side of Heaven. (John 16:33) But, I know that I know that it is going to be good … soon.

Worst … and the best.   

Transparent and Patient

A few years ago, the Lord led me to a woman who had just given her life to the Lord. She was in her fifties, but was literally a “baby Christian,” which is not uncommon at all. When I met her, she was practically in tears simply because the people at her church were not being very nice to her. They  were offended by the way she looked, and quite frankly were not understanding about her background. She had come out of a very abusive relationship and was in the midst of a divorce. To protect her identity, I’ll refer to her as “Mimi.” I had a conversation with Mimi and kindly let her know that Jesus loved her and that the way she was being treated wasn’t right, nor was it the way Jesus would treat her. We ended up spending several hours together over the next several weeks.

I have to tell you, I have been through a lot in my life, but I definitely could not relate to all that Mimi had been through. But, to the best of my ability, I relied on the Lord to lead me, which He most certainly did. God knew all that she had been through and led and guided me as to how to communicate and interact with her. (After several months, God led our paths went in different directions and I haven’t heard from Mimi in nearly three years.)

Now, I say all of this because of a few situations in my life that remind me of Mimi’s situation. 

Over the past two years, I have been healing from a very trying marriage of 27 years and a bitter divorce. I was married to a man who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), among other issues. Prior to my marriage of 27 years, my childhood was not he easiest, either. It wasn’t the worst you would ever hear of by any means. But trust me, it was far from the best. I say this with total respect of my parents and extended family. No family is perfect. All families have dysfunction. It’s just a matter to what degree the dysfunction is.  

With that said, God has done a lot of healing in my life … a lot. But, there will always be something for me to work on in my life this side of Heaven … always something. It has been my habit for many, many years to ask God to “take out of me what He doesn’t want in me and to fill those voids with Himself.” God is very faithful. I assure you, I am not the person I once was. Jesus, by the Holy Spirit, has transformed me, and is continuing to transform me into the person that He created me to be.

Recently, the two year “anniversary” of the divorce happened, but because of circumstances that are completely out of my control, I am unable to completely be “departed,” if you will, from my ex-husband. The house that we own together is still my home until the house sells. It has been just shy of 23 months and the house has not sold. This has been a very challenging time for me. I want to move on from here physically and geographically, but God is not ready for me to do that yet. It has been time where He has used the circumstances to heal me of the very challenging times/events of the previous 3 decades. I assure you that this has been the most challenging time of my life … hands down! God has used this time to not only heal me, but what I like to call, “refine my friends list.” In nearly every aspect of my life, if not every aspect, He has allowed nearly everything but basic essentials to be stripped away from me. Now, I don’t say this in a way of complaining. I say it simply because “it is what it is.” A walk in the park would not accurately describe my life in general, let alone the past 2+ years. On one hand, looking at the big picture, I can see why God is doing what He’s doing/allowing. For His Kingdom purposes, because of the call on my life, He has allowed this “refining process.” Now … on the other hand, I can tell you I’m doing the best that I can just to get through this with a good attitude. (which doesn’t happen every day! LOL)  This isn’t just about the recovery of a terribly harsh divorce. This is a “wrapping up of the past five decades of my life” … “the end of a season” … to enable me to move on to fully do God’s will for my life. He has given me many gifts to use for the advancing of His Kingdom which is a ministry to help those who are in the same or similar situations that I have experienced. To coin a phrase that I heard someone else say once; “God is the ultimate recycler.” This is so true. If we allow Him, He will use the situations/events of our lives to help others.

Now … I mentioned that He has allowed many things, including people to be taken from my life. This has been challenging because I don’t always have someone to talk to … vent … or as a sounding board so that I can work things out in my heart and mind. I write and journal, but because God created us for community, the need/want for interaction with other human beings is very real. I have found this process as difficult as my friend Mimi that I mentioned earlier. I have found that the majority …not all … of the folks that I have spoken to:  1. Don’t have time and don’t want to have time for me. 2. Even if they do take time, they don’t really want to listen. They want to “fix” me. Although I see that they care, they don’t have the answers, and I don’t expect them to. 3. They can only see things the way they want to see them and, in turn, end up judging me … which actually makes me feel worse than when I began my conversation with them.

I actually believe that this is something that God wants me to experience. I saw this happen with Mimi, but I didn’t actually experience it. I am experiencing it now.

It’s not our job to “heal” people. It’s our job to be “conduit” to allow the Holy Spirit to go into the lives of others and heal them. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again and again; It’s our job to love others and let God be God in these situations. No two people are alike. No two “same/similar” situations are alike. This is why we need God to take control and heal us by the Holy Spirit. Only God knows what a person needs. When “religion” puts certain situations in a “box,’ so to speak, it’s being done wrong. I say that respectfully! God has many different ways to heal us. What He does with one person, He may not do with the next person. Like Mimi, many of us have had traumatic situations from the day we were born. My first traumatic memory is from age 3. Now, we all have things in our lives that require healing. Respectfully … if anyone believes that they don’t, they are either lying or in denial … period. Some people have fewer things. Some people have a plethora of things. Sometimes God heals things in a hurry … almost instantly. Sometimes He heals things in layers. I believe I’ve experienced both of these ways. But mainly He heals me in layers … beginning at the outer shell, much like those Russian nesting dolls we’ve all seen. You look and see only one wooden, painted doll, but when you pick it up you realize there’s something more inside. You take the outer shell off, only to find another smaller doll inside … and so on and so on … until you get to the tiniest doll inside. Like the removing of the larger dolls to get to the tiniest doll inside, God, over time, will remove one shell or layer at a time … in His timing and in His way … contrary to the way most Christians handle the issues in the lives of others. Most people usually want instant results.

We must choose to be sensitive. We must choose patience. We must choose to allow the Holy Spirit to work. Again, we are not the healers. We are only the conduit for the Holy Spirit to work. And, we need to be there for people. This takes time and practice.

I have had several people that God has placed in my life even while going through the difficult times of the past 2+ years where I have had to choose sensitivity and patience, and allowed the Holy Spirit to work. Of course I’m not perfect and have made mistakes. That’s part of the growing process. We have to take steps forward for growth even if it means making mistakes here and there. That’s just part of life. When I see my mistakes, I admit it and give apologies. There is nothing wrong with being transparent, either … nothing. I assure you that people are much more responsive to transparency than they are to being superficial. When my son was growing up, I apologized to him when I made mistakes, not if, but when. I admitted to him when I was wrong. This fostered a relationship where he was not afraid to be honest with me. We need more of this within the church.

Folks, Jesus gave up Heaven to come to this Earth so that He understood, first hand, what we go through. He is there for us in all situations and wants us to be there for others. He is so very patient with us. His grace is sufficient for us in all situations. 2 Corinthians 12:19 I assure you this is not always the easiest thing to realize, fully understand, and/or utilize whether dealing with my own issues or walking with someone through their issues, especially when things are very challenging. But … in order for the church to function as God wants us to, we must purposefully tear down the walls of being superficial and risk being transparent. We must intentionally choose to learn patience. As a follower of Christ, I challenge you to these things in your own walk. It’s the only way to truly reach others for Christ. When we, as the church, pretend that all is well, we actually repel those who are seeking God. We are all broken people who make mistakes whether we admit it or not. We must remember that we are imperfect people who carry a perfect God inside us.

Choose to be transparent.

Choose to make yourself available for others.

Choose to have patience.

Choose to admit that you may not know something.

Choose to allow God to do things His way.

We are not “Holy Ghost Jr.” as Joyce Meyer says. Allow God to work through you as you are there for others.   

Do you know who you're not?

Do you know who you are in Christ?  Are you able to stand firm knowing what your purpose is without copying someone else?  Sometimes when we’re growing into who God created us to be we can fall for the lie that we’re not enough or don’t have what it takes.  That is so not the case.  And, as God matures us he’ll take those things out of us.

Do you know who you’re not?

As a child, I was not raised to be a person who had self esteem.  In fact, I was taught “to be controlled / manipulated” by someone other than myself.  Now, you can imagine what trouble that caused in my life as I grew into adulthood.  I was in my mid 20’s before I even realized that I had been controlled and manipulated my entire life and didn’t know who I was … in Christ.  Well, at that point, I gave it all to God and asked Him to heal me … which He did, and continues to do.  I can stand tall today and say that I know who I am in Christ Jesus.  Sure, I have to deal insecurities just like everyone else, especially when going through troubled, uncharted waters.  I just don’t let those insecurities rule my life.  I continually ask God to take out of me what He doesn’t want in me.  I choose that way of life until my time on this Earth is finished.

Now, several years ago, I realized that I don’t necessarily learn the same way that most people do.  I am a kinesthetic-tactile learner.  I know there are others out there like me, but we are in the minority as I read on Google that 65% of people are visual learners.  So basically, in order for me to learn something, I need to be moving, doodling, or actually perform the task over and over for it to “stick” in my brain.  However, the good thing is, once it’s there, it’s usually there for the “long haul.”

Over the past several years, I have struggled in an area for one reason or another.  Often, the struggle is not brought on by my own flaws, but rather by the environment that I have been in.   I don’t consider my learning style a flaw or a disability! I have explained the type of learner that I am and have been effectively ignored, causing me to struggle to keep up, so to speak … often keeping me from being the best that I know I can be.  It’s not that I’m incapable of the task.  It’s that I haven’t been allowed the proper tools to be successful.

Earlier I asked if you know who you are in Christ.  I asked this to make a point.  We have to know who we are in Christ to be fully effective for Him … to advance His Kingdom.  I know that I’m an imperfect person who loves God and wants to be all that He created me to be so that I may advance His Kingdom.  I know that I have had challenges that most people only see on a “Lifetime” tv channel.  But, I also asked if  you know who you’re not?  You see, I know that I’m not a person who will be controlled or manipulated by others … at least not knowingly.  I also know that I’m not a person who can see something and learn it at a glance the majority of the time.

I have to tell you; my learning style doesn’t bother me simply because I know who I am, but I also know who I’m not.  The only frustration that comes is when I’m not allowed the proper tools to function to the standard in which I’m capable.

Now, I understand that God’s grace is enough.  Of course it is.  I assure you He has filled in often for me.   But, I also know that I am incapable of being the best “me” when someone else’s expectation of me is to function / learn the same way that they do.  In most cases, it’s not possible for me to do that.  Trust me, I’ve been down that road several times.  I have had people “encourage me” because their belief is that I don’t have self esteem.  I have had people allude that I’m “fearful,” or think I believe that I’m “not good enough,” and so on and so on.  You see, none of these things are the case.  No, I’m not a perfect person. None of us are.  And, if you claim to “never do anything wrong,” you are either in denial or lying.  #truth  Perfectionism is not what I’m talking about here, either.  It’s the simple ability to function well simply because I have the tools I need to do so.  I’m the type of person who takes the time beforehand to do the work that I need to do so that I can function at the level of the rest of the team because I don’t want to hold anyone else back.  It doesn’t bother me that it takes time for me to do this.  I enjoy it … because it’s who God created me to be.  Unfortunately, you cannot believe the things people have said to me, effectively putting me down, simply because they chose to not understand the way I learn … basically … who I am.  It’s all good.  God strengthens me through these trials.  “God works all things out for the good for those who love Him.” Romans 8:28

I know who I am, but I also know who I’m not. Choose to be balanced in knowing who you are in Christ.

As a leader, take the time to understand your people.  Don’t expect people to act, perform, handle things like you.  As leaders, yes, we’re leading people, but ultimately, it’s God who is leading all of us.  Jesus is the only person we should want  to be like.  Phillipians 2:5-7

God didn’t create us all alike.  He created each and every one of us as unique individuals.  In fact, there is only one of us in this entire world or the history of the world … only one.  We have to come to the understanding that, not only for our own self, but also for others.

Do you know who you’re not?  Don’t allow others to force you into a mold of themselves.  Do your best to be all that God created you to be, allowing Him to shape and mold you as you travel along life’s path.  That’s all you can do.  Remember, not everyone will understand you and, you will not understand everyone whose path you cross. Don’t attempt to form them in your own image and don’t allow others to form you into their image.

Follow Jesus.

Allow Him to lead and guide you.

Learn from the process.

Know who you are, but also, know who you aren’t.