Be Thankful ...Deliberately!

Many years ago, around 2003-04, my life was an absolute mess. I didn't really know what was happening. I was depressed. I had terrible anxiety ... and I didn't even know why. All I could do was cry out to God. I didn't have the support of family. As far as friends were concerned, I didn't have any that really cared about what I was going through. I WAS ALONE ... as far as humans were concerned. God was always there ... even when He didn't seem near. 

As I sought the Lord and even some counseling, I began to realize what had happened in my childhood that God was healing me of. There were many things that I never even realized. My eyes were blinded to some things, and others I had deliberately buried. I had never been taught how to deal with things properly. BUT GOD!! He sees all. He knows all. He IS in control of all things. And, He chose this time in my life to reveal to me what had happened that I just didn't understand ... and began the healing process.

I had closed myself off from everyone. I would literally strengthen myself to pick Nicholas up from school. I would do everything I could to be a loving, caring, and nurturing mom. There was no reason for my son to suffer for my own misfortune as a child. I wouldn't have it! 

The summer before his 4th grade year, I felt led of the Lord to begin selling my pepper jelly at the Farmer's Market in Bentonville. I went to the market, found a place to set up, and found myself next to the loveliest of couples ... Tom and Mary. This too, was their first time at selling things at the Farmer's Market. Instantly, we became the best of friends. They were wonderful Christians who loved me for who I was. Long before I ever confessed to them how I felt, they were like the mom and dad that I needed in my life. Eventually, they would tell people that I was their "adopted daughter." (They actually have five daughters of their own!) 

Fast forward to 2017 ... a few years ago, Tom went on to be with the Lord. Mary and I still talk. She is like a mom to me. I love her dearly. She has been a rock to me over the past several months, but especially the past couple of weeks.

I say all of this, not to place Tom and Mary on a pedestal, but to give God praise! He knew that I needed them in my life and they needed me. Sometimes I don't really "feel" like I do as much for Mary as she does for me, but somehow it all works out. God crosses the paths of people to help each other out as He works out His purposes in our lives. We may or may not see it at the time ... or even later. But, He works all things for the good for those who love Him. 

I can say that I'm grateful for the things that God worked out in my life at that time, as difficult as it was. Those things He brought to light and healed me of has enabled me to help many others since then. And, although I am going through a difficult time now, I can say that I am grateful for it ... because I know that He will bring good from it ... and eventually bring me to a point of helping others in my same situation. 

This Thanksgiving Eve, I just ended a call with my spiritual mom, Mary, whom I am eternally grateful for. Her 88 years on this earth has given her much wisdom. I am grateful to be someone who is able to glean wisdom from her life.

What or whom are you grateful for this holiday season? Don't overlook the small details. I assure you, if you look closely, you'll see the fingerprint of God on it. 

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone ... God bless!  :)

Listen Well

I sat in Starbucks today ... I thought I was going to do some writing. But, after a few minutes, a young woman sat down next to me. She was dressed in gym clothes so I asked her where she works out. She began talking and 90 or so minutes later, I felt like I now know most of her life's story.

I didn't do a lot of talking in this conversation ... and I'm ok with that.  Because of the outcome, which includes her making a note of where I go to church so that she and her family might visit, I'm reminded of the importance of simply listening.

For several years now, I've expressed, many times, about the importance of listening to others and not just slinging out our opinions. This isn't new thinking for me.  And, now that I'm in the midst of another challenging time in my life, I'm even more aware of how much listening and not speaking is needed.

Although I'm sure people don't intend to hurt with their words, I believe they're very much unaware of just how much they do just that by speaking when they really just need to listen.

It's important to remember that no matter how long we've been a Christian, we're no better than the person standing next to us. Maybe you've been a Christian for a long time and you have all the 'Christianese' down.  Maybe you think you have answers for everyone because of your vast number of years as a Christian. Well, I encourage us all to remember that God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason.  And, age doesn't always mean that wisdom is present in the words that we speak.  We need to think before we speak.

Being a good listener takes patience.  I'll also throw out this reminder that I've heard Joyce Meyer say many, many times: 'You're not Holy Ghost, Jr.'  Haha ... that still makes me laugh, even though there is an abundance of truth to that statement.

Look, we're all flawed people. “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”  Romans 3:23 Of course we’re here to help others.  But, I also believe that we need to be good listeners.  If we’re always concerned about what our response is going to be, we are not truly listening to what the other person is saying.

In this instance, I believe this young woman needed to tell her story to someone.  As I listened, I found out that she is a mother to six children in a blended family, the youngest being less than a year old.  Her husband is in Afghanistan and she is here handling this rather large family nearly on her own.  She needed to get a few things off of her chest.  And, towards the end of the nearly two hour chat we had, she actually asked me my opinion on a couple of things.  Now, had I injected my opinions on her while she was “venting”…telling her story, I’m not so sure that she would have even wanted my opinion, let alone asked for it.

A couple of days after this, I found myself at a church service on a Saturday night where I had attended several years ago.  I don’t attend church there now, but felt drawn there by the Holy Spirit.  As I walked in, I had decided to sit completely in the back simply because I truly wanted to be by myself in the Lord’s presence.  I said, “Lord, please don’t let me see anyone that I know…but, not my will, but, Yours.”  I sat down on the very last row of a section.  This sanctuary holds between 1800-2000 people and was filling up.  There had been a young couple with a baby sitting a few chairs down from me.  During the beginning of the worship, they left.  A few moments later a man walked in and sat down in their place.  I looked over and I knew exactly who this person was.  He is someone that I have met at the Starbucks where I go to write my book.  He and his wife have been praying for me since I left to go to California.  This was not a coincidence.  I got his attention and waved.  He smiled.

After the church service was over, he asked if I was back from California for good.  I explained my situation to him.  In this instance, he was the one doing the listening and I was the one doing most of the talking…even though it was only for a few minutes.  He said that he and his wife had been praying for me and that I had come across his thoughts many times over the past few months.  Now he understood why.

You see, I feel “safe” being transparent with this person.  And, that’s the type of person I want to be with others.  I believe this is the mark of a mature Christian.  It’s not our job to go around “fixing” others.  It’s our job to love others, which may include words of wisdom.  But, I believe that more often than not, we need to simply listen to others without an agenda of any type.

For myself, I process when I share situations with others.  And, through that processing, I usually find the answers that I need for myself without the unwanted or unneeded input and/or interruption from others.  Now, let me just say that I certainly am open to hear what others have to say.  I’m not closed off to healthy dialogue.  What I am saying is that many have an agenda to “fix” others and that’s what is a definite turnoff.

Learn to listen to what others are saying.  Like I said before, it takes patience.  But, I believe it will pay of for our relationships in the long run.

Think before you speak because it’s not all about you.  Being a good listener to someone who is speaking is serving them well.  We are all called to be servants to others.  Let’s serve well.

The Fields Are Ripe for Harvest!

I’m practically laughing at myself because I didn’t realize that it was Valentine’s Day today when I woke up.  My initial plans were to simply read my Bible, (get caught up on my daily reading, as I’m a few days behind!) head to the gym and begin the process of packing my things to return to Arkansas.  But then, the idea of going up to the Big Trees State Park here in California ran across my mind.  I looked at the clock and decided to make a go of it.

 

I enjoy the drive to Calaveras County as it is a beautiful drive in many ways.  Much of the drive is through farm land which consists mainly of orchards, quite unlike the farmland I’m used to in the Midwest.  And, it looks as if I’m just shy of missing the full on beautiful blooms on the thousands upon thousands of trees that I passed today.  Passing through the farmland then gives way to hills, big beautiful hills that then grow into mountains.  I just LOVE the mountains.  As the numbers for elevation grow larger, the numbers for the temperature drop.  This is one of my fave places as this is the third time I’ve visited there in the nearly 6 months I’ve been here. The air is crisp and has the wonderful aroma of cedar.  Trust me; my words don’t come close to describing the actual experience!

Anyway, I was able to trot through a small portion of the park.  Silly me, I forgot about just how much snow had been on the mountain and it IS still winter!  It was very muddy and there was a lot of running water due to the melting snow.  I didn’t stay long.  Just being there one last time before I head home was sufficient for me.  It’s not just about the destination, but the journey.  And, God’s beauty is amazing … that is all!!

 

As I passed through one of the small towns on the way to the park, it crossed my mind to stop and eat at one of the local pizza places that I’ve eaten at both times I’ve been there previously.  Then I remembered a man who worked there.  I remembered him because he was sincerely friendly and the presence of the Lord was very strong on me when I had spoken to him.  As I came back down the mountain, I tried to talk myself into just heading home to save both time and money.  But then I realized that it was the Lord who wanted me to stop.  In my head, asked the Lord what the man’s name was.  I heard “Pete.”

 

So, I stopped at the restaurant.  I looked around for the man as I ordered my pizza.  Sure enough, there he was.  He came right up and greeted me.  I told him I was glad that I saw him on my last trip to the Big Trees because I was headed back to Arkansas next week.  And, guess what his name is?  That’s right, it’s Pete!!  Thank You, Holy Spirit!!

 

You see, the stop at the pizza place really wasn’t about me at all.  It was the Holy Spirit planting yet another seed to a lost soul.  In the flesh, I didn’t want to take the time, and, although I love pizza, I’m watching my girlish figure and thought that perhaps I should skip it.  This wasn’t about such superficial things and yet, even though the five minute chat with this man may have seemed superficial, the Lord was at work.  You see, I have prayed for Pete every time I’ve been to eat there.  They are very simple, but effective prayers.  And, I believe that one day I will see Pete in Heaven.  Today was Valentine’s Day and God wanted Pete to know that He is loved.  Now, I didn’t have to say those words.  That’s not how the Lord led.  I only had to be the vessel and allow Holy Spirit to work through me.  It really is just that simple.  1 Corinthians 3:6-7  He does the work.  We just need to be willing to follow Him, and His ways are not always like ours.  Isaiah 55:8

 

I just love when this happens.  Holy Spirit is amazing!  You see some people may never have darkened the door of a church and the only Jesus they ever see is through us, the followers of Christ that make up The Church.  That’s why it’s so very important that we follow the leading of the Holy Spirit in spite of what we think in the “natural.” I almost chose to miss it today.

 

It’s God’s will that none should perish.  2 Peter 3:9   And, do you remember that the Good Shepherd will leave the 99 to look for the 1 lost sheep? Matthew 18:12 , Luke 15:4  We need to remember that we are not our own; we were bought at a price.  1 Corinthians 6:19-20 You see, it would have been easy for me to simply hit the road for home in the name of saving time and money.  But I knew that this was more than a stop for food.

 

If you’re a follower of Christ, I urge you to stay sensitive to the Holy Spirit for these opportunities.  I have to tell you, nothing else will make your day quite like being in the will of God like this.  And, if you’ve never experienced a moment like this, ask God to lead you in this way … because He will.  Trust Him.  He’ll give you the words you need to say.  Luke 12:12  Trust me, I pray Luke 12:12 over situations all the time!!

 

Remember that the fields are ripe for harvest.  John 4:35, Luke 10:2  Something else I’d like to throw out here is that we have to look at others through the eyes of God.  Yes, the fields are ripe for harvest, but remember, we don’t get to choose what the “harvest” looks or acts like.  We’re sent to do the work!  The “harvest” may be pierced, tattooed and with colored hair … or perhaps Muslim, or Buddhist, etc.  They are no less loved by God than you and I are.  He loves us all.  We all have the invitation to be in relationship with Him.

 

We, as followers of Christ, need to love more … and not just use the word love.  Love isn’t just a word.  Love is a Person.  That Person is Jesus.  Jesus is God.  He who does not love does not know God, because God is love.  1 John 4:8   If you’ve accepted Jesus as your Savior, you have Love living inside of you.  Don’t block Love from flowing through you.  All too often I’ve experienced people using the word love when in reality the presence of love in their actions was no where to be found.  I get it.  We’re all human and we all have those moments.  But, let’s not make it a lifestyle.  Where does love begin and end in your world?  We need to make the conscience choice to let Love, God, flow through us.  We need to stretch ourselves to love more on a continual basis.  Don’t just reach a certain point and stop.

 

As followers of Christ, let’s purposefully be known for our love of others.  I challenge you to do that!  I believe it will make a difference in our world.

 

The fields are ripe for harvest... 

A fool and his folly... Proverbs 26:4-5

The past three months of my life have been a bit of a whirl wind, to say the least.  In a matter of just a few days, the Lord directed me to leave family, friends, and basically everything behind in Arkansas and temporarily relocate to California.  God’s grace has been absolutely amazing…hands down…because this has been an extremely trying transition!!

 

I’ll have to be honest with you, I wasn’t sure as to the “why” I was coming out here until about 4-5 weeks into my residency here in California.  Now that I’ve been here for two days shy of two months, I have a much better idea of the “why.”  I wouldn’t say that I fully know all the reasons because God always tends to reveal some in “the during” and some in “the after.”  It always amazes me how He always works things out for my good.  I trust Him.  I trust Him, fully.

 

Yesterday, I was thinking about the scripture in Proverbs.  4 “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him.  5 Answer a fool according to his folly lest he be wise in his own eyes.  Proverbs 26:4  As I was thinking about some of the crazy things that have happened since I left Arkansas, this scripture came to mind.  I looked it up, read it and pondered it throughout the day.  This morning, much to my surprise, it was in my daily Bible reading.  I was overjoyed, praising God for the way He does things and laughing because of the joy it brought me!

 

Early on in my arrival, a young woman began challenging my boundaries.  I’m sure she didn’t realize that she was crossing boundaries that she shouldn’t.  It’s ok.  I could see that she doesn’t have a good sense of boundaries for herself.  For the most part, I know and understand how to handle these situations…only because of God’s leading and guiding and not because of anything within me.  I rely on God’s help to know what to do and when to do it.  I once was the young woman who had no sense of good boundaries.  I have allowed God to teach me.  Therefore, I now am ultra respectful of the boundaries of others and also keep safe boundaries for myself.

 

Anyway, this person crossed a boundary with me.  I didn’t say anything to her.  I let it go, forgave her and prayed about it.  Soon thereafter, she did it again, but in a different way.  This time, I asked her a question where she had to answer either “yes” or “no” to her foolishness.  Well, she didn’t like this at all.  She was immediately offended and then went around spouting off about what had taken place between the two of us.  Never mind the fact that she was out of line in the first place.

 

This is exactly what the proverb is talking about.  It seems that it contradicts itself, but really it doesn’t.  You see, when dealing with foolishness of others, you have to know when to speak and when not to speak, and ultimately, either way, they won’t “get it.”  When you don’t speak, said person believes they are wise in their own eyes.  When you do speak, they usually get offended and show their immaturity.  When dealing with a person like this, you cannot win.  It truly is best to simply walk away and just keep the peace when coming in contact with them.

 

This person from that moment on did everything she could to get into “my world.”  It’s not that I was unfriendly or mean.  I was simply keeping safe, healthy boundaries for myself.  This wasn’t my “first rodeo,” so the saying goes.  The thing is, even though this person stirred up all of strife and even tried to “teach me” where she believes I’m in error, she has no idea that she is the one in error.  She has chosen to be “wise in her own eyes.”  I don’t say that arrogantly or as though I am wise in my own eyes at all.  I say it extremely humbly.  I have been patient to allow the Lord to show me exactly what He wanted me to learn from the situation without spouting off and gossiping to others about the situation.

 

Basically, the Proverb says that you cannot win with a fool.  You cannot answer a fool who is “wise in their own eyes.”  You must be cautious and use wisdom if you choose to answer what the Bible refers to as a fool.

 

The truth of the matter is, this person is loved by God as much as you and I are.  He wants a better way for this person as much as He wants a better way for you and me.

 

If and when we find ourselves in a situation like this, we must remember that even though someone is crossing boundaries and being disrespectful, we must take the high road, which I did, in this case.  Thank You, Jesus…who enabled me to do so!!  More often than not, we must remain silent, which I also did.  God will fight these battles for us when we allow Him to do so.  Exodus 14:14  Silence doesn’t mean we don’t understand a situation.  Silence doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t have anything to say, either.  For me in this particular situation as a leader, I wasn’t in a position as a leader who had authority to confront and correct, but rather a follower.  I knew my boundaries and chose to keep them.  It wasn’t my place to correct this person, so I forgave and let it go, but, I kept safe boundaries for myself with this person from that point on.  Wisdom was available, accessed and used in this situation.  If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who will give it without reproach.  James 1:5  I rely on this scripture  A LOT!!  God has never failed me.  If I fail to use wisdom in a situation, it’s not because of God, but rather because I didn’t ask for, access, or use it.  Wisdom is always there for us because God is always there for us with an infinite supply of wisdom.  We must choose it.  We must also pray for the person who is the offender.  The Bible says to love your neighbor and pray for your enemies.  Mark 12:30-31, Matthew 5:43-48

 

In this case, this person has no idea of their folly.  That’s ok.  It’s currently where she is in her walk.  If she continues with the Lord and allows Him to do so, He will teach her a better way in time … like he has done and continues to do with me because that's what I choose with all my heart.

 

Bottom line … be cautious when dealing with what the Bible refers to as fools.  Don’t fall into their trap.  Use wisdom that God provides.  Know who you are in Christ.  When you know who you are in Him, you don’t have to try to win people over to your side because you know that the only opinion that matters is God’s opinion of you.  ~ Selah

Stand tall, stand firm in Him!

Several years ago, David and I found a church that we really liked a lot.  In a short amount of time, we realized that this is where the Lord wanted us for where we were in our walk with Him.  We filled out the visitor’s card to let them know where we were interested in serving.  Of course being a worshipper, I chose the worship team.  I’ll be honest with you, because of my past experiences, I was completely surprised when I was contacted by the church about auditioning for the worship team.  So, I went to one of their practices and then was given three songs to play and sing and a time to audition.

 

When I went for the tryout, I immediately felt a “wall” … an invisible spiritual wall.  In the moment, I wasn’t sure of what it was, but, I wasn’t nervous because I knew God had the ultimate say in the outcome.  Two minutes before I auditioned, one of the “judges” said to me, “Don’t be surprised if you don’t make the team the first time.”  Well, this totally threw me off of my game.  I wasn’t expecting to be discouraged, but rather encouraged!  In all my years of trying out for different bands on instruments from trumpet, trombone, euphonium and guitar spanning four decades, I had never in my life heard a judge make a comment like this, especially to the face of the person who is auditioning only moments before the audition.  Quite frankly, this behavior is very unprofessional and uncalled for.  I powered through and although I wasn’t happy with my audition, God was, and more importantly, He was happy with my heart.  Ultimately, I made it on the team…the first time.  I will say this, though.  This was the beginning of a tough twenty months for me.

 

I met with this young woman to make a personal connection with her and it was pretty much a waste of my time.  She was so convinced that she “knew who I was” through her “discernment” that she didn’t even listen to what I was saying to her.  She was more concerned with letting me know “what” she knew.  I was there to make a friend in Christ.  That never happened.  Before she got to the restaurant where we met, I had been working on a new blog.  A few weeks prior to our meeting, I had recently released a blog that had been read in approximately 52 different countries on six different continents in a matter of seven to ten days.  This was very exciting for me and I was still adding different countries to the still growing list.  She asked me what I was working on and I shared this with her.  We talked about it and I shared with her how, at the time, I seemed to have somewhat of a following in Russia, as well.  Now, you have to understand that I give God all the glory for this.  This was nothing that I could have ever done by myself.  It just happened on it’s own.  I don’t advertise my blog or anything like that.  Seeing God at work like this just makes my day!!  Hallelujah!!  But, I guess this wasn’t interesting to her and she informed me that she was certain that there was no way that the “supposed” Russian following was really a following because there was no way they could understand it.  She suggested that I use her for translating purposes for that reason.  I never did.  And, I found out later from a Russian friend of mine that, yes, they are taught English and can read it and understand it well.

 

In an effort to be friends with this young woman, as I attempt with all people, I was transparent with her about my life.  After all, we’re all flawed humans living in a fallen world.  I believe being transparent with people is a must.  But, as I’m about to share with you, being transparent can cause trouble for you.  Even so, you must rise above it.  No one should boast about the ease of their life.  Not one person on this planet has the choice of what family they are born into.  This is totally the choice of the Creator of all Creation.  I believe He knows what He’s doing…

 

So, this woman found it necessary to “share” my story with others, which is perfectly fine.  The problem I have is that I paid for her unbelief in God’s ability to heal hurts.  Because she couldn’t get through her head that God really does heal the hurts in our lives, she took it upon herself to spread “her truths” about me.  Church, this is called gossip.  Because she chose to not see that God had healed me, she spread rumors that I was a person in desperate need of help.  From that moment on, life at this church was, for the most part, was hell for me.  I had people mico-managing me personally…people who never took the time to get to know me, and to this very day, still do not know me.  And, because my tryout was not my best, they found it necessary to micro manage my guitar playing, ultimately placing me in a box.  If you’re a creative person, you know that this can and often does stifle the creative flow.  One of my college professors in music and I had a conversation about such things and he advised how important it is to allow creative flow to happen and not to stagnate, stifle, or stop it.  I couldn’t agree more.

 

**As a side note to this; if we place the Holy Spirit in a box, he is kept from doing His creative miracles…whatever they may be.  ~ Selah

 

**Micro managing and controlling others says more about the person who is micro managing and controlling that the one(s) they’re micro managing and controlling.

 

I had to overcome.  Finally, after a few months of the micro managing, I got my moment.  I had made the decision that, in this church, in this situation, I had to be who God created me to be.  It was all or nothing.  I say that respectfully and I was totally and completely respectful to the setting and the team.  I would not purposefully do anything to draw attention to myself.  Worshipping God is about just that…worshipping God.  I’m just one of the surrendered individuals that He is flowing though in the process.  I decided that if they didn’t like who I was … who I am … I was indeed ready to move along.  That wasn’t God’s will.  They did like my playing.  I was released from their grasp.  They had been putting restrictions on me that wouldn’t allow freedom of my worship style.  But then the tables turned…and not for my good.  Most days as I approached the church, I would pray, “God, protect me…thank You for protecting me because it feels as though I’m walking into a lion’s den.”  He did protect me while opening my eyes to things that were happening in the spirit realm.  It didn’t matter what I did or didn’t say … what I did or didn’t do … I would be “attacked” in some form or another nearly every time I was there.  I am finding that this was great training.  You see, when God promotes, as Joyce Meyer says, “new level, new devil.”  This is true and very often, actually, more often than not, it comes through fellow believers.  But, it’s not flesh and blood that we contend with.  See Ephesians 6:12

 

We must be strong enough to withstand the onslaught of the enemy no matter who it comes through.  When we are weak, God shows His strength through us when we call upon Him.  2 Corinthians 12:9-11

 

You see, I don’t believe that God likes it when we, His children, behave this way.  But…we live in a fallen world.  He is not surprised by this behavior, nor does He love us any less through it.  Jesus made a way for us when He gave His all at the cross.  When we trust Him to do so, He will work all things out for our good.  Romans 8:28  We must trust Him.

 

If you find that you’re going through something similar to this, I encourage you to stand tall … stand firm in who you are in Christ in the midst of persecution.  Even though we may be surprised or taken aback by attacks from the enemy, God is not.  He knew everything that would happen to us long before the foundations of the Earth were laid, and He made a way.  Ephesians 1:4, 1Peter 1:20

 

Stand tall, stand firm in Him!!  It’s all about advancing the Kingdom of God and gaining ground from the enemy.  Don’t let the enemy stop you, in Jesus’ name!  Hallelujah!

Giving birth...ouch!

 At the beginning of this year while in prayer, the Lord told me that the next nine months or so were going to be challenging and the road was going to be steep.  But, thankfully, He also told me that I would make it through it.  Now, you might be thinking, “Of course you’re going to make it through.”  At least that’s what goes through my mind when I wrote it. LOL!!  I have to say that I am very grateful the way He encouraged me, revealing to me that I would make it through.  It’s mid July and I’m not quite through the (minimum) nine challenging months.  In all honesty, this has probably been the most challenging time I have experienced in my life, seriously.  Oh how grateful I am that God is not only faithful to warn me about this, but encouraged me that I will make it through.  Because He knows the beginning from the end, I believe that He knew that I would need this encouragement or that I would quit and walk away from what I believe to be my life’s calling in Him.  Even knowing what I know, quitting has crossed my mind more than once since January.

 

So far since January, I’ve been told that I’m not a Proverbs 31 woman, that I’m hated by all of my family, that all I care about is myself, that I don’t hear from the Lord, that my vehicle purchase was vanity and not a blessing from the Lord…just to name a few things.  In the midst of a seemingly never ending battle to help someone I love to overcome narcissism, I’ve been accused of not handling things the way one person thinks I should handle them.  This person’s age in years is fewer than the number of years I’ve been married.  They have also known me for about one minute of my life, as well, by the way.  If you’ve never been in an intimate relationship with a narcissist, all I can say is that you have no idea how challenging it is…no…idea!!  I don’t say that to defend myself, because even though I know that I know that I know that I’m not a perfect person, in which we all are imperfect, I know that I know that I know that I am exactly where God wants me, doing, to the best of my God given ability, all that He wants me to do concerning this situation.  God wants freedom for the narcissist as much as any other person.  (What I have learned about most situations concerning a narcissist is that most people abandon the narcissist deeming them too difficult for the Lord to heal.  I refuse to believe such nonsense! Jesus has overcome everything!!)

 

I, unfortunately, can now say that I have been abandoned and / or rejected by every family member and / or friend in one way, shape, or form.  Even so…I know who I am in Christ.  Now, I don’t say all of this to get sympathy or kudos, to pat myself on the back, or anything of the sort.  I just want to say, “Thank You, Jesus…I’m still standing!!”  Hallelujah!!  I’m standing because and only because of what Jesus provided for me at the cross to be more than a conqueror!!  Romans 8:31-39

 

I know that I know that I know that I will make it through what seems to be a birthing process.  What He plans to birth, I’m uncertain.  But, I do know that He has asked me what my hearts desires are more than once over the course of several years and then recently told me that He is going to grant them.  I trust Him.  His timing is perfect.

 

His ways are not like our ways.  If He allows challenging times, it’s because He can see the other side of the challenging time and knows that the outcome will work for our good.  He has brought me to a place of seemingly nothingness.  I am encouraged because I know that He loves to work miracles from seemingly impossible places.  That way it is seen that it is Him…and Him alone who has brought about a miracle!!  Hallelujah!!

 

He told me that this season would be challenging.  He, of course, speaks the truth.  He is truth.  Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.  John 14:6  But not only does He speak only the truth.  He is faithful!  God is not a man, that He should lie, nor a son of man that He should repent.  Has He said, and will He not do?  Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?  Numbers 23:19

 

So, I share these scandalous, challenging situations not to expose myself or anyone else.  I share them to be transparent because I know that I’m not the only person who is going through challenging times.  I know that I’m not the only person who sometimes wakes up in the morning and finds it hard to want to get out of bed and keep on keepin’ on.  We all have these moments.  I want to encourage you to keep on keepin’ on.  Put your trust in the Lord.

 

Although I can see some of the reasons why God has brought me on this route, I don’t fully know why He has brought me this route.  It’s not for me to figure out, but rather, to walk out.  But, what I do know is that He has shown me that He truly is the only One I can fully trust.  He is the only One I can fully rely on…Him and Him alone.  Man, whether they want to or not, intend to or not, will fail you.  Myself…I will fail people even though I truly would never intentionally want to fail someone.  We are human…imperfect humans.  We will make mistakes.  It’s not a matter of if, but when.

Don’t hold someone to standards that are impossible for them to keep.  Just don’t do it!  Life is hard enough.  Love God, love people.  That’s what matters.  If you don’t have discernment for certain situations, ask God for it.  God wants us to have wisdom about challenging situations in our lives.  James 1:5   If you find yourself lacking compassion in certain situations, ask God for it.  He has compassion for all situations because He has experienced everything every man could ever experience.  He has the compassion.  He will show us the way and you must choose it.  Hebrews 4:15


Yes, this has been a challenging season so far.  But, I can now look back over the course of many, many years and see that He has used challenging situations to grow me, strengthen me, and stretch me.  Without these trying times, we cannot be all that He created us to be.  It also costs us something.  We must choose to go through challenging times.  God never ever said that life in Him would be easy.  2 Timothy 3:12  But one thing I know is that it is truly worth it.  To know that I’m loved by the Creator of the Universe is enough.  He loved me first…and always.  1 John 4:19,  Ephesians 1:4

 

I also know that He will use these challenging situations so that I am equipped to help others.  He raises us up to be able to help others, so that they can help others…and on and on and on.  It’s about advancing the Kingdom of God in a world of darkness.

 

Trust Him through the process.  He is faithful.   

The Lid Is Off...

Today as I was readying myself for the day, my heart was heavy…heavy for my family, heavy for humanity, heavy for the church, heavy for this nation.

 

I couldn’t form any words, but suddenly, crying and tears broke forth.  I was crying out to the God of all flesh...all flesh…all races.  At first, no words would form.  The heaviness that was on my heart could not be expressed in words, but rather in tears, cries and groanings.  God understood.  Only He could understand.  Finally, I was able to form words…repenting, once again for this nation, for the atrocities that have occurred…unneeded killing, racism…hate…all from the enemy, but allowed by man.

 

We have done this to our selves.  We have allowed racism and hate long enough.  ENOUGH ALREADY!!

 

As I walked through my home today straightening things, I picked up an ice chest that we had used for a recent cookout at our home.  As I picked it up, I began to reason how I was going to deal with the water residue that was in it.  Quickly, I decided that I would simply put the chest in the garage, but I would lift the lid so that the heat in the garage would not cause any germs that might be inside to form and cause mold and mildew.  It was an easy decision.  If I chose to leave the lid closed, chances are, the next time I opened it, it would be disgusting and quite a mess to clean up.  All of these things went through my mind in a matter of moments as I carried this through the house to the garage.

 

It’s then, through this process, that the Lord allowed me to see that this is exactly what has happened here in the US.  You see, instead of doing the right thing here in the US, we have “enjoyed the party,” and “put the ice chest” away without dealing with it properly.  This country has enjoyed the fruits of the blessings of our God, but we have strayed away as prosperity has grown.  And, as immensely as the prosperity has grown, so has the nastiness.  The “lid” has been closed, ignored, and the nastiness took over…long ago.

 

I’m not just speaking about our government.  I’m speaking about the church, as well.

 

Collectively, we have turned a blind eye to the things that have been dealt with improperly…hate, racism, murder, inequality towards women, and even religion, just to name a few.  Now, you might be wondering why I have included religion in this.  Well, I say religion simply because being a follower of Christ has little to nothing to do with religion.  But, religion is much of what is at the root of the issues that we’re dealing with here in the US.  Followers of Christ should be the ones who lead the way, setting the standard for the community, not the other way around…and certainly not those who have Christ on their lips and not in their hearts…religion.  Matthew 15:8, Isaiah 29:13-17

 

We have churches and denominations that have chosen, in the past, to tolerate and even endorse hate and racism, when, indeed, they should have been standing against it in the name of Jesus.  When this is allowed, not for days, months, years, or decades, but centuries…we have a problem.

 

The “lid” has been on hate, racism, and religion far too long. Now, hear me loud and clear; not all religious people are this way, but many are.  And, those who truly are Followers of Christ will love others…ALL others…as Christ loves us all.  He loved us while we were still sinners.  Romans 5:8

True followers of Christ need to arise!  We need to be the hands and feet of Christ and show love and be love.  We have shrunk back too long.  We have allowed religious ways, hate, racism, violence, etc. to continue on when it should have been stopped long ago.

 

I am one who was not raised in church.  I came to Christ in my twenties; I’m only months from my 50^th today.  I have seen a lot.  When I began attending church, I had rose colored glasses when I participated with groups and such within the church.  At first, I bought it hook, line and sinker.  But, as I grew in Christ, I began to wonder why things within the church were so different than what was being taught in the pulpit and what is actually in the Bible.  So many churches are inclusive only to themselves.  They are much like social clubs…even though they teach that they shouldn’t be that way.  Many churches will even say that they are not like the “social club” churches in the area, when in fact they actually are.  Myself, for the most part, I don’t “fit” in today’s modern churches.  I have tried and I have come to the realization that it’s okay that I don’t fit in.

 

I love Jesus with all my heart, but I don’t find it necessary to jump through all the hoops that “church people” require to be considered a “good Christian.”  It’s not man who judges the heart, it’s God who does. 1 Samuel 16:7  Jesus doesn’t make us jump through hoops to be His follower, but He doesn’t turn a blind eye to the sin in our lives, either.  When He sees that the time is right, He brings it to our attention and brings conviction through the Holy Spirit to deal with it.  Then He lovingly shows us the way to overcome it.

 

Jesus loves everyone.  However, Jesus hates sin.  He is the Master at loving people even when they are still living in sin.  The church has a lot to learn in this area.

 

I’m very sorry to say it but the church is not doing a good job at loving people and hating sin.  The church is good at saying, “love the person, hate the sin,” but they, for the most part, are far from actually loving the sinner.

 

Church people…at least most of the church people I have been around…do not know how to relate to the lost.  They choose to stay in their comfortable bubble and call it “God’s way.”  I beg to differ.  The church has alienated itself from the real world and in doing so, have, for the most part, stopped being effective at truly winning much of the lost to the Lord.  They have continued to allow terrible things like judging, hate, and racism to not only survive, but grow into the nastiness that we now see on our TV and computer screens almost daily. The average person on the street wants nothing to do with Jesus simply because of many of His “followers.”

 

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.  Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” ~ Ghandi

 

There may be many of you who are reading this right now who believe that this article is not about you.  Maybe you are one of the few who do not live this way.  There are many who choose not to live this way, but there are far more who consider themselves followers of Christ who do choose to live this way.

 

Please understand that I’m not attempting to tear apart the Body of Christ, but rather, spurn realization to a sleeping, fence sitting church.  Revelation ch 1-3  Folks, this has happened on our watch!  Repentance is in order.  Examining ourselves, examining our ways and correcting them should be the new mandate.  There is a way out of this.  God is not surprised by this!  Jesus made a way when He said, “It is finished.”  We need to realize, more than ever, it is God’s way that we need to choose and not ours.  Our way is not working.  Look around…you certainly don’t have to look far to see that I speak the truth.

 

If you consider yourself a follower of Christ, I urge you to hit your knees in total submission to God.  I urge you to repent of anything that is between you and God.  I urge you to cry out to Him for repentance of this once great nation.  I urge you to ask Him to show you what you can do to spurn change in your area of the vast nation.  God is not through with this nation and we can once again be great if we humble ourselves before Him.  He alone is what has made us great in the past.

 

If My people who are called by my name will humble yourselves and pray and truly seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from Heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.  2 Chronicles 7:14

 

The lid is off.  It’s time to clean out the mess.